My CODE OF CONDUCT

From the Soldier side: Most, but not all members of the United States Armed Forces know that they are obligated to follow a Code of Conduct in times of war. There is the official version, and of course, there's my version.

Article I.
I am an American, fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense.

My version: I am an American, fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to TAKE A life in their defense.

Article II
I will never surrender of my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist.

My version: I will keep fighting until I run out of ammo...then I'll use my weapon as a club, use my pocket knife, rocks and poke out eyes until I'm dead and can't fight any more. If my leaders quit, they suck.

Article III
If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and to aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy.

My version: I ain't going quit...see #2 above.

Article IV
If I become a prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners. I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades. If I am senior, I will take command. If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way.

My version: I hope you're catching on...they won't take me alive.

Article V
When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give name, rank, service number, and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability. I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country and its allies or harmful to their cause.

My version: You know, but if they do catch me because I got knocked out or something, I ain't saying shit.

Article VI
I will never forget that I am an American, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America.

My version: We fight for the soldiers next to us, not God, country or Iraqi freedom. We won't let our buddies down.

Now...isn't my version easier to remember? And doesn't it make more sense?