23 August 2009

H.U.A. Drivers

From the Soldier side: How many of you that drive on busy freeways, cities etc and noticed that a lot of other drivers are not really driving very well?
In Calif they passed a "hands free" cell phone law that went into effect early this year. So many people ignore it, that I could easily write 6 or 7 tickets a day for that alone. But, what about all the others who don't seem to be really paying attention either.
They might be turning around to slap the kid in the back seat, reaching over for that foo-foo drink from Starbucks that fell on the floor, changing a CD, or simply driving H.U.A. Head Up Ass.
So, you all know what I'm talking about? If not, you may be the driver who's H.U.A. (Sorry, hope I didn't offend you.)

Now, think about this major driving problem in a place like Iraq. I found when I was there, most drivers didn't even have a driver's license! Nobody cared. Just buy some old P.O.S. car and drive on.

The problem our convoys had was: "how can you tell when a vehicle is speeding toward your truck if the guy is a suicide bomber, or just driving H.U.A?"

Simple. If you wave the driver off, and he keeps coming, you fire a waring shot in front of the car. If he keeps coming, you fire a warning shot into the bumper or hood. If he keeps coming, you open up on the motherfucker with everything you have or you are going to die. By that time, it's usually too late and he's going to crash his bomb filled car into your convoy anyway.

There was a time, when the unit I was with in Baghdad, where the gunners were firing warning shots several times a day.

The chair warming REMF MFs on the camp were getting freaked out...they couldn't understand why anybody would fire so many warning shots. So, they told the gunners to stop.

Now, if you were a smart, but concerned gunner on a convoy and told to stop firing warning shots, what would you do?
They started loading BFRs on the trucks. A BFR is a Big Fucking Rock. And they worked very well as warning shots. Some of the gunners were firing the BFRs on automatic. They would throw one into the car grill, then the hood, then the windshield.
That stopped the HUA drivers.
Then the chair warming REMFs got upset for having to pay for all the Iraqi windshields and told the gunners to go back to firing warning shots.

Still missing the common sense....


Coffeypot said...

Again, it's the Army...

But as much as you complain about it, you will miss it one day. Cop business, too.

But I don't see you settling into a slow and easy lifestyle either.

Maybe teaching! Open a cop school in some dusty little town that is experiencing growth beyond the local force can handle.

Maybe open a shooting range and teach gun safety.

Or just turn into a funny drunk.

Your options are plenty…

LL said...

I think you need a glossary here:

REMF - Rear Echelon Mother Fuckers

HUA - Head Up Ass

POS - Piece of Shit

BFR - Identified by author

(edit me as you feel moved to do so)

There is no common sense to pogues who are NOT THERE. It's easy to sit in the Green Zone and then go home with tales you heard at the canteen. It's quite another thing to be out there listening to incoming fire (has a sound all its own) and noting that their tracers are green.

NOBODY can manage a war. You can lead troops, or you can count pencils, but you can't do both effectively - and when pencils are more important than troops, you have a big problem.

I was lucky to have served in a portion of the service where nobody gave a f&#k (fuck) about pencils -- until one day during Operation Just Cause when they were told that preserving the enemy's equipment was more important than anything else. And good four men were killed on an airstrip in Panama as a result of a FUBAR (F&#k Up Beyond ALl Reality). I was on the USS New Orleans - LPH 11 off shore when the call went out and felt like taking a chopper to the man who made the F&#ked up decision and physically throwing him from the flight deck of a moving aircraft carrier.

That I didn't do it has cause me some degree of guilt. Maybe I'm a wimp now...

I really hate REMF's. Really. I'm too old and nasty to serve under the flag in the military bureaucracy anymore. You do get to that point. A friend (who retired before I did) told me that he was to the point where he would either take out the REMF's or leave, so he left. When I arrived at that state-of-mind, I left too.

Joke 'em if they can't take a F&#k...

CI-Roller Dude said...

LL, I'd never edit such comments. You can say whatever you want and use bad fucking language if you need to.

Were you talking about the time in Just Because when the Navy wouldn't let the Army land a chopper on the carrier because they weren't "carrier qualified"?
Shit, and Army chopper could land on a fucking volkswagen.

LL said...

Army aviation types could drop a whirly bird on my deck anytime. They are good stick and rudder people with good instincts, even with a pitching deck under them.

I never said the Navy wasn't loaded with vainglorious pricks. The SpecOps community weeds them out very quickly though, because if people can't trust you, you are not allowed to remain. Same is true with USAF Para Rescue and Army SF types. You're dumped if you're not able to piss in a boot.

Unfortunately there are a number of black shoe sailors who would find it challenging to piss in a boot.

PS - like the music. And you CAN smell Hadgi coming from a mile away. It makes coming back to the land of flushing toilets that much nicer.

CI-Roller Dude said...

Yep, you really can smell Hajji... and they won't eat pork because it's unclean...but wipe their ass with their hand.
All the "working" special folks I worked with were pretty cool folks. Very calm, didn't get too upset (except the time my gunner let an Iraqi come up from behind and pass our convoy in Fallujah)
Then they gave a good ass chewing and hence I had to put myself on said gun afterwards.