04 March 2009

When to Retire from Law Enforcement?

From the Cop Side: Somebody asked me when I was going to retire from Police Work, this is what I came up with:

1.) The rookies you’re training are younger than your own children.
2.) The rookies call you “Sir” or “mam” after you’ve told them 50 times to stop
3.) You’re now not only arresting the children of the people you arrested at the beginning of your career, but also the grand children (but they’re only going to juvenile hall)
4.) The rookies ask you what it was like to drive a police car with a motor that had more than 350 cubic inches and a carburetor ( and some nights we'd drive 120 MPH just because we could)
5.) You don’t even get excited when someone calls out on the radio “I’m in pursuit” and the only thing you fear is the 15 forms you’ll have to fill out if you get involved (California laws)
6.) You finally learned how to use the new police software to write reports, and the department is going to version 2.5
7.) You still carry a pocket dictionary even though the report writing program has a spell checker- just in case
8.) You not only still carry a back up gun in violation of department policy, but it’s still registered in your ex-spouses name
9.) You don’t have anyone to drink coffee with on your patrol shift because all the new rookies drink the “power” drinks that you think taste like gun cleaning solvent, and can actually remove the copper fouling from your pistol
10.) You still think smoking, selling, growing and buying pot should be a felony and anyone who needs a prescription (in California) is a waste of oxygen
11.) You’re considering getting a medical marijuana prescription as soon as you retire so nobody will bother you and the last 30 + years will be a blurr
12.) You volunteer to be the school resources officer so you can meet hot single moms (or dads)
13.) You’ve forgotten how many special assignments you’ve had with federal and state grants over the years and wonder why none of them are still around (like DARE etc.)
14.) Buy the time you’ve gotten to #14, you can’t remember what the first line said, and you can’t even remember what you had for breakfast, except for the coffee
15.) When you finally get a rookie who thinks he/ or she will drink coffee with you, they want to stop at Star Bucks and spend $7.95 on a foo-foo drink that is not even in the pocket dictionary you still carry around


Anonymous said...

Starbucks rules! Maybe more of your co-workers would drink coffee w/ you if you ever offered to pick some up!

Anonymous said...

Mediical marijuana is not the answer. Don't you want to remember all the wonderful people you have met and worked w/ throughout the years?

Anonymous said...

1. What's worse is when you're reading the comments seriously and agreeing.
2. Am not a police officer, but can think of rational equivalents to almost every item.
3. More's the pity -but here's to number 12. Am not that far gone. Yet.
4. Thanks for the compliment in an earlier posting.
5. Big difference: you (and SGT Grumpy) have things to say. Particularly on leadership. I'm just nattering about details.
V/R JWest

"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

Hey, when I offer to pick up coffe for the PSA's, they don't want it. Besides, I don't get a tax credit for supporting them anyway.
(sounds like M & M)

J said...

Bad PSA's for not wanting coffee...what's wrong with them anyway??

You might retire...but I bet ya never give up fast cars and good coffee.... ;)

I love all your stories Roller Dude...glad you're writing more. I agree with Mr. West that you and Grump have lots to say.

...and I like your new "look"...now I can be a follower, instead of a lurker...notice I chose a fast car to 'follow' in? (you won't give me a ticket, will you?)