From the Cop side: Well, we’ve used the democratic process…and the next story (s?) is or are about dealing with Biblical type persons in police work. I’m sure if you ask any cop who’s been on the job for more than a few minutes, they’ll have or are going to have a story of arresting somebody who looks and or acts like a character from the Bible.
I got dispatched to a Jesus sighting. Well…I’m pretty sure he really wasn’t Jesus, but he kind of looked like him. He was tall and thin…with long hair and long dark beard. His clothes were ragged and dirty and he rarely took a bath.
The one thing this guy could do that made me start to think he might have some kind of special powers was he could disappear into thin air. I mean I’d get a call, and head over to where Jesus was. I’d see him for a second…then POOF! He’d be gone. I never saw him walk on water, but I did check the nearby creeks just in case.
On this one cool winter morning I got a call on Jesus again. He was caught taking stuff from a mini mart and was last seen running towards the college campus….barefoot.
I knew the only direct path Jesus would have to take to continue his flight from justice (in which other law enforcement members where in fresh pursuit). I just parked my patrol car and waited….
There he was, running and shoving food into his mouth. I wanted to wait and see if he turned the one loaf of bread into hundreds…but he was eating it too fast. (He didn’t have any fish.)
The problem with running and trying to do almost anything else, including shoving food into your face, is it often causes a person to lose balance. This did happen to Jesus and he fell….right in front of me.
At this point, I was laughing so hard, I had a very difficult time getting out of my patrol car and walking over to where Jesus was laying prone on the ground with a loaf of bread scattered all around. I was still waiting to see if he was going to turn the one loaf into many. Didn’t happen.
There was only one place he could have gone on the college…there was an all female dance class next to where we had been…he’d run into the class.
I walked into the dance class, and noticed several dance students pointing to the back of the class. (They were all doing some kind of high stretch in a synchronized fashion)…and there was barefoot Jesue in the back dancing like a retard on an ice rink. I did the habeas grabis on his arm, and applied the Peerless brand handcuffs in a proper manner as to not be too tight and double locked them.
As I walked Jesus out of the class, I received applause from the students and the teacher. I was still trying to control my laughter.
As I took Jesus over to where the original crime had occurred, I found he was also a wanted man and he was not really Jesus. I took him to jail and his Father didn’t come down and make bail.
More to follow…. Jesus drives!