09 March 2012

Check list for when to retire from police work...

From the Cop side:  A cop friend asked me when to tell when it's time to retire.  Since I like check list, I came up with this.  I hope it's helpful.  If so, my work for today is done.

Clues that let you know it might be time to retire from Police Work:

1.) The rookies you’re training are younger than your own children

2.) The rookies call you “Sir” or “mam” after you’ve told them 50 times to stop

3.) You’re now not only arresting the children of the people you arrested at the beginning of your career, but also the grand children (but they’re only going to juvenile hall)

4.) The rookies ask you what it was like to drive a police car with a motor that had more than 350 cubic inches and a carburetor

5.) You don’t even get excited when someone calls out on the radio “I’m in pursuit” and the only thing you fear is the 15 forms you’ll have to fill out if you get involved

6.) You finally learned how to use the new police software to write reports, and the department is going to version 9.5

7.) You still carry a pocket dictionary even though the report writing program has a spell checker- just in case

8.) You not only still carry a back up gun in violation of department policy, but it’s still registered in your ex-spouses name

9.) You don’t have anyone to drink coffee with on your patrol shift because all the new rookies drink the “power” drinks that you think taste like gun cleaning solvent, and can actually remove the copper fouling from your pistol

10.) You still think smoking, selling, growing and buying pot should be a felony and anyone who needs a prescription (in California) is a waste of oxygen

11.) You’re considering getting a medical marijuana prescription as soon as you retire so nobody will bother you and the last 30 + years will be a blurr

12.) You volunteer to be the school resources officer so you can meet hot single moms (or dads)

13.) You’ve forgotten how many special assignments you’ve had with federal and state grants over the years and wonder why none of them are still around (like DARE etc.)

14.) Buy the time you’ve gotten to #14, you can’t remember what the first line said, and you can’t even remember what you had for breakfast, except for the coffee

15.) When you finally get a rookie who thinks he/ or she will drink coffee with you, they want to stop at Star Bucks and spend $7.95 on a foo-foo drink that is not even in the pocket dictionary you still carry around


Old NFO said...

Hehehe, same with being an old fart still dealing with the military... And I'll be damned if "I" am paying $7.95 for a @@#*(@ cup of coffee...

Six said...

I knew it was time when every command staff officer was the age of my daughter or below. Most of whom I had trained and knew were still snot noses.

Susan Katz Keating said...

This is funny! Thanks for the laugh! It reminds me of my days covering the "cop beat" as a reporter in Solano County, California (*moment of reverence*). I sure do miss that beautiful countryside.

Stretch said...

It's time to retire when:

You realize you're the only one left taking advantage of the "grandfather clause" to carry a revolver.

Perps believe it when you say "I'm too old to run. I'm just gonna shoot you." and surrender on the spot.

There's an ongoing debate between your brain and your prostate whether or not your get another coffee.

CI-Roller Dude said...

In regards to "revolvers" I still enjoy shooting them ( a skill no longer trained) but I was one of the range masters who fought with the chiefs for years to allow us to carry autos.
I understand the debate over another coffee...it all gets recycled.