Hey Dude, what's up with that cake?

Actual Crime Scene Photo

From the Cop side:  What happened to that cake? Every once in a while somebody will do something that just blows me away. I don’t mean the knucklehead criminals I deal with at work, or the “average citizen” who’s just having a bad day. What I mean is sometimes one of our own does something that makes this old Sergeant think he’s working with children.


I’ve always tried to treat the officers and soldiers who work for me as adults. I guess I’m lucky in my military roll by having some really bright and highly motivated soldiers who always strive to do an outstanding job. Most of the cops I know do the same, very smart and the ones I have now want to do good work. They are some of the BEST!

However, there are some cops who somehow slip through the hiring process…which in our State is very long and difficult to get through…but some still slip through and get hired only to leave some of us in awe at their level of maturity.

Let me be blunt. You see in police work, we try to hire adults. These adults have to know how to work with others and understand that they are not the only person in the universe. They need to clean up after themselves, show up for work on time, and remember at all times that there are other people who work in the same space that they do.

Many years ago I became what we call on Police work a “Field Training Officer.” That is the officer who takes the rookie, who’s been to the police academy and tries to train them to be a real live honest to God cop. I have learned over the years that there are little bits of wisdom I have to include in my training…bits of wisdom that are not in any book or training school, but bits of wisdom to keep the new copper alive. I’ve also learned that, in a few cases, I have to add training on how to be an adult and work with others.  Most of the new cops are good, but every few years we get one who seems to be a little retarded or something.... Like the one who tried to eat the cake. 

Most of you who were in the military learned these basics of life. But, in our business there are lots of new cops who’ve never been in the military. Too bad. The military might have taught them some of the basics of life.

Some things I’ve had to add to the list of shit I teach new cops….(keep in mind that many of these new cops are barley over 21 years old.)

1.) Clean your litter, equipment, garbage and empty Power Drink cans out of the patrol car at the end of you r shift. Nobody else is going to clean up your crap.

2.) Wash the patrol car and put gas in it for the next shift.

3.) If you work out, or get sweaty, take a shower before coming to work. Don’t go to the gym before work,then show up, put on your uniform and smell like shit.

4.) If you use the lunch room, clean up your empty plates, cups and empty power drink cans for the next shift. Wipe out the fucking micro wave oven when you blow up your lunch in it.

5.) Don’t be a hog. You don’t need to take all the blank forms with you on patrol…I doubt if you are actually going to use up 50 copies of a form in one shift where you normally might use one a week. But if you take all the blank forms, just in case, nobody else will have any.

6.) And if a nice fellow employee takes the time to bake a birthday cake for somebody, don’t try to eat the entire thing because you are a fucking retard…then leave a half eaten cake in the lunch room. Cut off a slice.

These are all things that your parents, DI or Drill Sergeant should have or would have taught you when you were growing up or in Basic Training.