08 June 2009

Send Help! Now I know I'll Retire soon!

Summer Camp, Camp XXX, Calif. From the Soldier side: I live in California! If our state was a country, it would be the 7th largest as far as economy goes. We also have a pretty good size army and other stuff. However, the Camp our State Guard trains at is so backwards its sad. I worked at Iraqi Army bases that were much better. Our state camp is like a third world army. The state has refused to spend a dime to fix the place up. The barracks were built in 1942 and they just "upgraded" them a few years ago with metal siding.
You can't drink the water from the sinks....we've already had several new folks get sick. I also had much better food in Bosnia and Iraq. For internet, I have my lap top hooked to my cell phone and tied to a tin can with a string.
But, the thing I really need help on is...I have to run one of the weapons ranges. They asked me a few months ago and I said "sure sir, whatever you need" like a good soldier.
I asked for specific soldiers to assist me (with Army Regs you have to have a certain number of people etc).
What did they give me? Three 2nd LTs and a guy who just transferred over from the Air Force. None of them have even ever fired the weapons we're running....and they're supposed to be "experts."

Crap, I hope I don't get shot.

Then after we get back from all the "mandatory range safety briefings" I sit down to write up the bla bla bla stuff I have to write up..... then I everybody's cell phone around me starts going off (because I refuse the give them my private cell phone number because I know they'll call me every 5 mins)....one other sergeant comes over and says: "CI Roller they need you over at the TOC (Tac Operations Center) to discuss the range you're runing."
So, I start walking over there--it's only 100 meters from my WWII barracks. But, as I'm walking, one of my 2nd LT's comes runnning over to get me saying:"I tried calling you, but I got your home." "Yes sir, that's why I don't give out my cell phone number."
I walk to the TOC, and stand there amongst all the lost leaders while they are trying to add how many shooters they'll have on my range. I ask: "Am I the only range who asked how many shooters I'm running through?" "yep"
OK, they I ask how many bullets we have to shoot. "Why" they ask..... I say: "So I can budget my ammo....you get 40 rounds per shooter per qualification table." Duh! I wish I had 1st graders, they could do the math.

Then for no reason, some really dumbass captain, trying to sound smart says: "Oh, we can ask the camp staff to help do the pre-marksmenship training."
I regret I didn't have a weapon to center mass that captain. ....but I said: "Sir, I don't want to sound like an asshole, but I'd rather do that myself."

Thank God there was a High Speed former S.F. major in the room who knew me and agreed.

Dang, I'm glad I can retire soon.

--CI Roller Dude


Wrexie said...

Roller Dude...you give first graders way too much credit.

They would say, "no, sir...you take away, because they're shooting the bullets."

Red said...

Ok, I checked the "Funny" box because well, this is funny in a sad sort of way. Being very familiar with 2LTs and morons in general, I can sympathize with your plight...

coffeypot said...

It's the Army, dude. And on top of that, it's the California Army. I'm surprised they are even speaking English. But you are a sergeant and you WILL get them through it. Who was it, Patton or Eisenhower who said, “The Sergeants are the Army.”