12 December 2008

Why I'm going to hell...part II

From the Soldier side: OK, I'll continue with my story of why "I'm going to hell."
I was telling you about the "turd" sergeant we had. For years before we went to Iraq, he reminded me of a little snake. He went to Bosnia with us and got caught doing something he wasn't' supposed to be doing...so when he came to me to see if I could help him...he started to cry like a little baby.
He had no balls...and no brains. He was always trying to put himself in the best place or job so he would always come out on top...regardless of what everyone else needed. He didn't put his soldiers first, he put himself first. So, he didn't go out on mission while in Iraq...he sent out his junior folks.
Now, I'll tell you the place they were in was bad...but at that time, most of the other places we had teams in were bad. It was a friggen war...you were supposed to get shot at and shit like that.
So, Turdsergeant's typical day (as told to me by his #2) was: He'd get up around 10 or 11 am, walk over and shower...come back and get dressed and go to lunch. Then he'd go to his hooch/ office and goof off watching DVDs and reading books. That was why he was too busy to go out.
Then one day... while he was walking to the shower... a totally random mortar round landed near where he was walking. A junk of metal tore into his stomach... he fell to the ground and was hurting. The medivac'ed him out and he lived.
Why am I going to hell?
The next day the Capt Chaplain came to my office. He had never every come over to our office since it was hot and too far for him to walk ( he was regular army and part of the reg army unit we were attached to).
So, the Sky Pilot dude comes into my office and says: "Is everything OK?"
I look at him and said:" Yes sir, would you like some Starbucks coffee?"
He takes a cup, then looks at me again and repeats his question: "Is everything OK?"
I look at him and said: "Yes sir, outside of it being 120 degrees outside, it's pretty good...how are you doing sir?"
Then he looks at me and the other sergeant (who's in Kosovo now) and said: "Wasn't sergeant Turd a friend of yours...from your unit back home and all?"

I look at the Sky Pilot and said:"Sir, is that what this visit is about? Thanks, sir, but the truth is nobody likes him."
The Sky Pilot almost dropped his coffee as his mouth dropped to the floor. He stood up straight and said something like: "you guys are cold."
I said: "Yes sir, I'm know I'm going to hell for that....but I'm going there anyway."

The chaplain walked out without his coffee and never talked to any of us again after that.
Oh well, what can I say?
(the photo above is from my 3rd visit to Fallujah... it was scary, but I went out when I needed to and I never sent my junior people out on something I would not do myself.)

5 comments:

J said...

It's kinda like being sad that OJ got time...

I just can't understand people like that. My brain won't wrap that direction.

Maybe sky pilot should have considered how cold it was for sgt turd to risk his jr peeps to spare his own butt...and that there was a reason it was chilly in your tent when it's 120 outside.

Aren't you glad chaplains aren't God?

You've been in some scarry--- places, Roller Dude. I'm glad you made it back safe to tell your stories. We love your stories...even if you do make us wait foorrrrrreeeever sometimes to hear the ending...

You are working on your book, aren't you? ...at least the first book. For some reason, I'm pretty sure it will have a sequil...

OK....now how about some 'stupid people' cop stories?

J said...

I've had my own war, but I never wrote on the windshield for medevac. It's like a clue from the game Myst.
What does it mean? ...and who's driving? Darth Vader?

"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

That Medivac on the windshield was with the Navy Sea Bees we had for secfor...they were some of the best and gave me a whole different idea of the Navy...not just a job, but an adventure.

Sergeant Grumpy said...

That's not the way he told the story............

"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

Yeah, sergeant jerk was a civ contractor while you were over there...he actually told some before we got to Iraq that he WANTED A PURPLE HEART. I thought that was kind of stupid...who would want to get hurt to get a medal?
then Paul said when he landed at the Green Zone, he was crying like a little baby.