How to Hire Cops.....

From the Cop side: As some of my readers (both of you) may have heard, in the past years I had my part in trying to hire new cops.  It never helped that I worked at a police department that had the absolute lowest starting pay in the county.  The good thing was for those of us on the very top steps, the pay was on par…..but where it took the other officers working near us only 5 years to get to that kind of pay, it took us 16 years. 

But this isn’t about the pay,,, I’m retired now and I get a decent retirement check each month…this post is about hiring cops.  When I had first applied to police departments when I got out of the Army, the process—from the time you’d put in an application to the time they’d put you into a uniform would take between 6 months to a year!  In those days, for a good sized department with 6 openings, they might have 600 people show up for a written test.  They spent most of the time weeding out those who should never be cops---missing body parts, missing the IQ, missing the manners, missing the honesty and missing all kinds of things. 

But in the last years, we might have had 3 openings, and be lucky to get 6 people to even apply for the job.  I figured it was due to not only the low pay and high requirements, but that hour Human Resources office was less than useless. I mean they only have to work twice- when somebody was hired and when somebody was fired….in between they just went to meetings and seemed to never be doing anything. 

In it's day...it was a great car!

So to get decent cops, I’d go out and try to recruit.  I’d talk to other cops and asked if they new anybody who’d want to work for us.  Then I had my own way to screen them.  A few years ago most government agencies changed to doing everything online.  You go to a website and fill out the application etc. 

So, when I was in my Sergeant’s office and I’d get a call transferred in regards to somebody looking for a job, I’d talk to them.  I’d ask them if they had this and that requirement, if they could pass a background check (that I’d do in many cases.) and thing like that.  If they sounded good, then I’d ask: “Can you use a computer?  Good, can you use Google?  Good.  Now go find our website, find the HR part, and find the application and fill it out.  If you can’t do that, then you’ll never be able to investigate even a simple crime and we can’t use you.” 

That either got a laugh (good) or a pissed off hang up (good, we don’t want you.) 

Then when they filled out the forms, then they got looked over, I got them from the HR office.  I was always amazed at what HR thought was a good candidate from just looking at the forms and what I thought was a good one. 

Then the interview.  I always tried so hard to not laugh. …but when a person who’s never been in any kind of uniform, and never under anykind of life or death stress comes in and tells me how good they did in the police academy…”I was the top in my class in pistol shooting…”  I’d ask: “so how many times have you been in a gun fight or had to draw down on a suspect?” 

The police academy is just a start.  It’s how a cop works with people in the real world that matters.  Give me a cop who just got a “B” in the academy, but can talk to folks and get them to talk to him or her.  Give me a cop who’s not afraid, but still has common sense to ask for help and can help other cops.  Give me a cop who cares about everybody else- before him/her self. 

…and then there was the ones who said in the interview: “I plan on being a detective in 6 months….” 

I’d think: “really, who are you going to take out to get that job?”     

Too few times did we get a military vet applying.  They were usually the best cops...but since we paid so poorly, we didn't get them very often.  Now most vets know how to put up with crap, take orders and more important- Take Charge! 

(Bonus Points for this police exam.  What is wrong with the above patrol car?  Something is missing...not the blotted out star) 

Iraq War Vet hat.....

From the Vet side:  A few days ago my best friend sent me an "Iraq War Veteran'
cap. I never had one of these before, and I was pretty hyped about it,
especially because my friend was considerate enough to take the time to
give it to me.

Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in particular
that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but, since I retired, trips
to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic
relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people
that frequent the establishment. But, I digress...enough of my psychological
fixations.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his
early thirties, asked, "Are you an Iraq War Vet?"

"No," I replied.

"Then why are you wearing that cap?"

"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." I thought it was a
snappy retort.

"The War of 1812, huh?" the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"

God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity.

"1936," I answered as straight-faced as possible.

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the
War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"

"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it."

This was beginning to be way fun!

"Dude! Really?" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low
voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."

"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is
seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"

"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage."

The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about
this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."

"Oh yeah?" he gave me the 'don't threaten me look.'

"Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't
want anything to happen to them, would we?"

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By
this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was
laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw Dimwit leaning in a
car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started
pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious
look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the
car and sped out of the parking lot.

What a great time!

Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security cap.

Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!

  

Retirement Parties for Cops....two types.....

From the Cop side: (but this could apply to most people who have worked at a job for 20 or more years).

I just got word that one of the captains I used to work for at a police department is sort of retiring.  How can you “sort of retire”?  Well, when different agencies have found that it’s cheaper to combine one or more departments into one bigger police department, sometimes folks get sort of “retired.” 

Now, this guy has been in law enforcement for over 35 years.  Notice I didn’t say he was a cop for over 35 years.  He was a paperpushingpieceof----.  He loved to start “I.A.’s” (Internal Affairs Investigations) on officers for little or no reason.  He went out of his way to insist that whenever he was there and a citizen came into complain about something, he would always ask: “would you like to make a formal complaint against the officer?” 

Now, this is the funny thing.  I have worked with some cops in the last 33 years who should have been fired.  But, this jerk would start complaints against some of the best cops in the world for no reason.  I’m talking about cops who’d risk their lives for citizens and other cops and had total respect from everybody they ever had contact with. 

So, when a cop retires, there are a few types of retirement parties.

Type 1: Class A Cop.  Everybody loves him or her and shows up at the retirement party and has a good time.  When they congratulate the retiring cop, they shake his or her hand and ask for any words of wisdom they can get- especially the semi seasoned cops who are smart.  The rookies still don’t understand and think they know everything, so all they’re thinking of is: “now I have a little seniority in the department.” 

Type 2: Class F Cop.  Everybody hates with a passion.  For many, if they saw this knucklehead lying on the ground, they’d walk around him and just say they forgot the number for nine one one. For this person, there will be a very big retirement party, however the retiree is not invited and has no knowledge of it.  There will be lots of happy cops, former cops, retired cops and even some good citizens who will be there.  At this type of party, there will be so many intoxicated cops, that the Irishmen will even be sayin’: “you’ve had too much to drink.”  The rookies still don't have a clue.

Of course, being they they’re all DUI experts, there will be designated drivers and a fleet of taxi cabs standing by….because there will always be another paperpushingsonofabitch who loves to burn and fire cops to try and make themselves look better. 

We have a Type 2: Class F party coming up soon.  But don’t tell the asshole captain about it. 

M9 9MM Beretta- my new old friend

Pile of Army M-9's and M-11's

From the Soldier side: I just picked up a new old friend the other day.  This will be the third M9 I’ve owned…for some reason I parted with the other two over the years... thinking: “I’ll get another one”.  Then there was the one I was issued in 2003 for Bosnia, then re-issued the same weapon in 2004 for Iraq. 

My work clothes for Bosnia - SFOR 14

In Fallujah, Iraq Dec 04

For you gun folks, I don’t want to hear: “a 9mm is crap” because there are several reasons it is not crap.  #1 reason- it works every time I press the go button.  #2 in the civilian world, I’m not limited to the Full Metal Jacket NATO ammo- in my case, I have 19 147grain Winchester SXTs round in the first magazine and 15 round spares.  Find me a .40 or .45 that can easily carry that many rounds from the start.  #3, the M9 empty makes a hell of an impact weapon.

In Bosnia I carried my M9 every day of the week- all day long whenever we left our hootch.  In Iraq, it was my back up weapon, but when I was on a camp or FOB, I’d stick my M4 in my locker and walk about with my M9- it was less cumbersome and easier to eat and stuff like that. 

Since I've retired, one of my part time jobs has me training citizens and others how to shoot.  I usually go to work about an hour early and practice shooting.  You can’t practice too much. 

Yesterday’s drill was the “failure drill” or what we used to call the Mozambique drill.  For this drill you assume your target has body armor or is just a tough bastard.  So you fire 2 rounds center mass, then one to the brain housing group.  This will stop anybody.  I do this starting at 5 yards, then send the target out to 15 yards.  I do this until a box of ammo is gone. 

When I started in police work, we were forced to carry 6 shot revolvers.  We usually carried an extra 12 rounds- for a total of 18 rounds.  Now I can carry more than that in my first magazine…and put the all the rounds where they need to go. 

When the zombies come, 6 shots may not be enough!

Yes, I still have my .45’s, and with the same amount of rounds, the .45 is better…but if you miss with a .45 it’s not as effective as hits with a 9mm.      

And here's a good manual on the M9 Beretta:  M-9 manual on Kindle

How about we give it a face, or 2...

From the Soldiers side: 

OK, somebody said I was a little hard on some people with my “dumbass” comment.  Yeah, I was.  Today is Memorial Day.  I guess I can understand how some folks can get it mixed up with Veteran’s day…

So, instead of me acting like a jerk, I thought I’d help give Memorial Day something to help folks better remember. Like a couple of faces.  Yeah, I know there’s lots of little Photo Shop pictures on the internet with somebody looking at the grave of a Soldier, but let me give a few faces.

Mike was a very good Sergeant First Class (E7) who I first worked with many years ago when our National Guard Engineer unit got activated for another flood by the State.  I had worked the night shift at my cop job when I got called….so I had no sleep.  Mike and I were supposed to take a Humvee up the where the flood was and meet up with those already there.  I told Mike I hadn’t had any sleep so, even though he out ranked me (I was just a buck sergeant at the time) he said he’d drive and let me sleep. 

I was shocked that a senior NCO would do that.  But I was even more impressed when we got to the Marysville, CA flood.  Mike worked 2 days straight- 24 hours a day directing the repairs on the broken levee.  How could we complain about being tired when this guy went non-stop.  But that’s how he was.

A terrorist, coward got Mike with an IED in Iraq in Nov 2004. 

I met Roberto in Baghdad in early 2005.  He was assigned to a “team” that went into Baghdad 6 days a week.  I had been on other jobs that had sent me all over Iraq, so I hadn’t worked with Roberto.  One day we were in the “shop” talking and we found out we were both in law enforcement and were range masters.  So, we talked guns and how to shoot.  Roberto had a son and we talked about kids (mine were much older, so I warned him what they could be like). 

I liked Roberto a lot, and we were going to go shooting at the range in Baghdad one day. 
I got sent off on another job in Fallujah, and Roberto kept at his job in Baghdad.  Roberto’s group got there 6 months before we did, so they were due to leave 6 months before us. 

2 weeks before Roberto was due to go home, he took out his replacement team – on a last minute job the CO thought they should do.  No planning or route checks.  (to put it politely, they shouldn’t have gone out that late.)

Again another terrorist, coward bastard had planted an IED…and it got Roberto and wounded 3 others in the humvee.  (the gunner who got wounded is worth a story on his own) in June 2005.

So, here’s the faces.  I know I’ll never forget them or what today is for.      

Mike

Roberto

Memorial Day is NOT Veteran's Day you dumbass

From the Soldier side: 

Memorial Day: is for those who lost their lives in a war.  It’s not for those of us who went to war…that would be Veteran’s Day.  Please get it right…the next knucklehead who messes it up I’m not going to be nice about it.  I’M STILL ALIVE DAMN IT!!!     

How to be a better instructor

From the Soldier and Cop side:  Sorry even though I'm semi retired, I've been pretty busy the last week or so, so I've not been posting anything.  (in reality, I've run out of stories).  However, one of my best friends who I deployed to Iraq with, sent me this link.  For those of you who want to learn to shoot better, this is the kind of instructor you need:  HIGH SPEED WEAPONS MASTERS

(Let me make it clear, I was not one of these guys,,,, I just did Mess Kit Repair on my deployments.) 

This is more like what I did....

Let's do it the "Smart Way" not the .....

From the Cop side: I’ll apologize to my 2 readers for not writing more often….I’ve had a few ideas that I thought were great, then when I sat down to write I thought they were kind of boring.  I started to write about what happened 20 years ago- when my old California Army National Guard unit sort of called us in for the Rodney King Riots (RKR).  We were scheduled to have a 2 day training drill that weekend, but we got called early Friday morning and told we needed to come in Friday and make it a 3 day drill.  Oh boy.  Like we didn't have a norrmal job to go to.   

All I did for 3 days was train National Guard Soldiers how to do crowd control and search people detained.  I was given the Army Field Manual on the subject but after a quick review I decided that I couldn’t teach something that was 20 years out of date- so I taught them proper civilian police methods. 

Other National Guard units got there and got things under control for LAPD and we never left the armory…so all said- it was boring so I decided not to write about that.  The major problem for the CA Nat Guard was the only place we could have gotten ammo for our weapons in the state...the guys working there just went home at the end of the day and there was NO AMMO.  Guard units responding had to stop and buy ammo on the way to the riots. 

How about a Cop story?  One of the things I must have done a thousand times was search a home or building looking for bad guys.  I got pretty good at it and always took it seriously because if a bad guy was really waiting inside with a gun, we were at a big disadvantage. 

One evening several years ago, we had one of the Admin Pogues (AP) filling in for the Patrol Sergeant.  When we had an AP filling in, we would just tell them to stay in the office and we’d call if we really needed any help.  On this night, we had the absolute worst cop AP in the world as our supervisor.  This guy had been in police work for over 30 years, but had never figured out tactics and things like that because early in his career he was given command of a desk.  You can’t get a desk hurt unless you spill your coffee on it. 

We got a call from a woman who was out of the state and said somebody was in her house in our city.  How did she know this (before the computer video stuff was so common)?  Because the suspect was on the phone talking to her…the suspect was her crazy nephew and he wanted to know if he could live in her home since she was gone.  She didn’t want him there, so we got called to evict him. 

So, in a small police department there are many times when there are only a few cops…there were only 2 of us that night and the AP weenie.  My partner and I got to the house within a few minutes (remember, the cops are only minutes away when you need them in seconds) and “surrounded” the place.  (OK, we couldn’t really surround the place, but if the media was there, I guess that’s what they’d said.)  The house was not a perfect square or rectangle, it was all kinds of shapes, so you couldn’t look down one side and see the other side…it had been added onto so many times that it looked like many houses that had been stuck together and it was impossible to really put a perimeter around it with 2 guys. 

So, since I was the “senior” copper, I said let’s find an open door where the suspect went in…then the AP guy showed up and “took over.”  He was lost, so I “suggested” that we find an open door where the suspect must have entered.  He was pondering this and trying to think up something different because I later found out, he never listened to any suggestions from officers. 

Since our safety was more important than actually catching the suspect, I told my partner that we were staying together as we went around the house….as we walked around, the AP guy walked behind us. 

Lucky for us, that night we had one of the best police dispatchers working.  She said she was going to call back the RP (Reporting Party) and see if a neighbor had a key to the house because she knew we were going to have to go in and find the guy.  A minute later, we found an open window.  The AP guy said: “Climb through the window and come around and unlock the door.” 

I thought that was a bad idea…when you have to climb through a window, you are totally venerable to anybody on the other side--- never go through windows if you can avoid it.  And my plan was that my partner and I were going to stick together.  I tried to be as diplomatic as possible and said: “why don’t we wait a minute and see if a neighbor has a key to the front door!” 

The AP didn’t like that I had not just done what he told me to do.  I didn’t care, I wasn’t going to get hurt because he was a retard.  A minute later the dispatcher told us the neighbor had a key and we ran over and got it.  As we got to the front door, I explained to my partner that I was going in first and he would “stack” behind me…I had to take the AP in with us, but I was afraid with our guns out that he might get excited and shoot one of us in the back.  (yes, he was that messed up). 

We got through the front door and cleared most of the house.  We were at the last room—the master bed room. The door was old and narrow and it was hard to get 2 cops through at the same time, so I went in. 

The suspect was trying to hide in the closet when I saw him.  He had something black in his hand…it was either a gun, or a cordless phone.  I backed up to the door jam and told him to throw whatever was in his hand onto the bed.  He did….it was a black cordless phone. 

He came out of the closet and was cooperative and totally nuts.  I didn’t take him to jail, but to the county mental health unit where they counted his marbles and wound up his little spring and let him go after 72 hours on a 5150 hold.  He never knew how close he came to getting a 147 grain 9MM HP round into his center mass.   

Zombies could have eaten our brains and we didn't care....

First of all, I’d like to finally congratulate the Marine who used to be “America’s First Sergeant” and is now “America’s First Sergeant Major.”  I know from my correspondences with him, that he will be the new standard for what all E-9’s should be like. 

I’m pulling up a post I did back in 2010.  This was about one of our Sergeant Majors from my old Battalion.  He IS NOT what other E-9’s should attempt to be like.  He was and is a retard.  I’m really glad that when we got to Kuwait for prep before going into Iraq, a bunch of us were given to a Regular Army unit and didn’t have to be under this retard.  (God I’m glad I’m retired and can say what I really feel now.)     

From the Soldier side: There are some things in any organization that those who pay attention start to wonder out loud: “Why do we have that? It’s a waste of money.”

The larger an organization, the greater chance this item is not an item but a human. In the United States Army, there are many such persons. They may be in a position of authority, leadership or some private who just can’t seem to get anything done. With privates, a good NCO figures that there is always hope. That hope may come from the thought that: “We’ll get him/ her to understand how to do this and become a good soldiers” or “We think he/she is just too retarded, so we need to kick them out of the Army.”

In the case of a new private, I figure that there is some hope. Some chance. Some glimmer of something to make things all better…since we can no longer do “Wall to Wall Counseling.”

But, as a soldier stays in the Army, they are expected to move up in rank. As they move up, they take on more supervisor and leadership duties--- in most cases. There are some soldiers, who have obtained a certain rank where they seem to be totally useless….and not only useless, but actually make others waste time, and do many things to make the job or mission actually harder to do.

Take the case of a certain Army Sergeant Major…one in who keeps coming to mind…and after this last weekend National Guard training, (this was originally posted in 2010)  I heard even more sad stories of him when he was in Iraq . He was one person, who if we had not taken him along, the entire deployment would have been much safer and less stressful… maybe even “fun.” I have to say I was amazed to hear all the stupid stories of stupid things he did….(you see, a bunch of us who were “organic” to that battalion, were attached to a “real” army battalion just before we landed in Iraq—so I didn’t get to witness the stupid stuff this stupid ass did in Iraq.) He was the dumbass who decided that on a few convoys, he would man the .50 caliber Machine Gun--- even though he was not really trained on it.

(Note: In the US Army, a Sergeant Major can be put into a unit where he is not qualified to do the main jobs of that unit…because he is supposed to be some sort of super leader. However, in our case, his lack of even the basic understanding of what we were supposed to do in Iraq, really made things difficult. He was too low of an IQ to even qualify for our MOS—and that is no shit.)

And he had multiple NEGLIGENT DISCHARGES because he is so pampas, arrogant, stupid and un-trainable-- he wouldn’t ask anybody how the weapon worked… and we're talking about the M2 .50 Caliber Machine gun that he was having problems with--- almost hitting US Army Soldiers with the rounds he cranked off. 

Oh and how he loved the new Army Beret. When were going through all the useless silly training at Fort Lewis, he wouldn’t let us put on our issued Desert Combat Uniform (DCUs) until we had “passed” all of our training. He decided to allow us to wear the DCUs like it was a friggen honor or something…like passing some school and getting an award. WTF was he thinking…we were going to have to wear that friggen uniform everyday for the year we were in Iraq.

But to top off all the stupid things I’d ever heard of…when we finally had the “honor” of getting to put on the DCUs, we still had to wear the stupid black army beret—which I hate and think was some Public Relations idea to make everybody in the Army feel elite or something--- like the special units who were the only ones allowed to wear a beret before. (like the Rangers, Special Forces and Airborne).

When we returned to the States after Iraq , he continued to muddle through being our battalion sergeant major. About a year after we’d been back, we went back to good old FT Lewis for our two weeks of annual training (AT). We would go to training all day long and come back to our barracks with stuff to study and work on for the next day---while the Sergeant Major sat on his ass all day and had nothing to do.

Then, one night he decided that all the Non Commissioned Officers (NCO- aka “Sergeants”) needed to be trained by his royal dumbass on how to properly fill out a NCO ER (Non Commissioned Officer Evaluation Report)…which was a topic that would normally take a person with half a brain about an hour to do…

Nope. It took over 3 hours. The one thing…actually the only thing I remember after this torture was the Sergeant Major said over 20 times the phrase: “With That Said….”

He would try to explain something while using a Power Point slide showing the form for NCOERs. He went over each box…even explaining how to fill in the NAME, DATE and shit like that like we were children. Then, after explaining what he thought we’d know, he’d say: “With That Said…. Let me go over that again…”

At that point I understood why soldiers who are not in a combat zone are not given loaded weapons. Then…after this friggen retard went on for over 3 friggen hours, the Battalion Commander got up and said: “With That Said…”

We never knew what “THAT” was because all of our brains had gone numb. If the Zombies had invaded at that point, we all would have just sat there and let them eat our brains.

To this day, whenever I hear anybody use the words: "With that said" I become ill. 

Now, With That Said, let me tell you about…….

HUA shooting

From the Gun side:  I don't usually post stuff like this, but for my readers who live in a place where they can actuall go shooting firearms, here's something a dumbass did on the range the other day at work.  

Non-shooting types might not be able to figure this one out.  The case on the left is a "normal" .40 cal case after it's been fired.  The case and the bullet on the far right is a "normal" .45 ACP case and a bullet. 

The items in the middle...some dumbass was able to chamber a .40 cal round in his .45.  He pulled the trigger and hit the primer...which lit off the round and blew the case out.  I guess the round bounced down the barrel towards the target....but I'm sure it wasn't very accurate. 

The sad thing is, the guy was dumb enough the bring us the case and tell us what he did.  If I did something that dumb, I would have not said a word. 

uhhhhh, First Sergeant, I was joking....

From the Soldier side: (I’ll write some more GSW stories later, but with Easter, I had to write an Easter story.) 

Somebody asked me the other day what I did on my Iraq Deployment.  Well, for those who haven’t read some of my old post, I was in the 525 MKR BG.  That’s a Mess Kit Repair Brigade.  For about the first four months I took a team to several places in Iraq and we fixed damaged Mess Kits.  Our first mission was to Fallujah (right at the end of the 2^nd battle), then Mosoul, Telafar and other places. 

After one of our jobs in April 2005, we were back at our base in Baghdad in time for Easter.  Since we were on one of the big REMF camps, we had a great mess hall with really good chow!  Easter they had a big brunch.  My team and I were off duty that day, so I slept in late (until about 0700hrs) then cleaned my weapons and gear....normal stuff.   

Later, we walked over to the mess hall (about ¾ of a mile away) and we saw our company First Sergeant walking along. She was Regular Army and not a very bright person…but, she tried to do a good job.  As we were walking, I said: “Hey Top, we should go invite some of the local Iraqi kids in to have some ham and stuff.”

She looked at me and smiled and said: “Ci Dude, that’s a nice idea.” 

We walked along a little further and one of my guys said: “Top, I think he was joking.” 

Top just looked at me…with a very confused look.  I found out later somebody explained to her that the locals didn’t any pork. 

At the time I thought it was funny as hell, but I guess you had to have been there to really appreciate the full effect.