VET Posers are out of control....!!!

I’m going to get off track from the “series” I started to write about and do a little venting.  Yeah, most people who know me know I will say what I think, but I try to remain “professional” when I’m actually working.  Since this is my blog, I really can write what I want. 

What I’m really getting sick of is the fakes and posers out there now claiming to be vets from Iraq or Afghanistan.  Some of them are so outrageous; that anybody who was even in the military for the minimum number of years could figure out the person is full or fish.  (I’m trying to not swear—I saw that on a TV show the other night, fish can mean fuck, shit or anything, but I’m not going to swear). 

The guys who write for the blog: “This ain’t hell…” are pretty good at finding stories on fake vets, or ones who embellish their history.  I mean I’m very proud of the fact that I deployed to both Bosnia and Iraq and did Mess Kit Repair.  That was a very important job and I am proud of it. 

However, for the dirtbag piece of fish who were either never in the military, or never went to any of the hot spots now in the news, they are taking the public and spinning some really fish stories about stuff they know nothing about and the public is sucking it up because they want to? 

Here’s a story about a faker who said the Army forced him to be a sniper and he has problems from having to kill people.  BIG FAKE VET STORY, clicky here 

Let me explain to my gentle non-military readers…. The ARMY doesn’t force anybody to be a sniper.  You have to volunteer for the school, and you only pass if you have your fish together….both physical and mentally.  No retards are allowed.  And no fish heads. 

Signs to spot a fake vet:

If they claim to have been in the Navy, they’ll claim to have been a SEAL.  If claiming Army, they’ claim to have been a sniper, “green beret” Ranger.  If claiming to have been a Marine, they’ll say the were Recon, or scout/sniper.  If claiming Air Force, they’ll have been the door gunner on the space shuttle, or something like that. 

Other signs, if the person is really out of shape, has other mental problems and just seems to make up stuff about everything, he or she is more than likely making up their military career.  What I’ve found is those who were really in something special, will not brag about it and you usually have to get out of them what they did. 

Why is this bad?  Because the public and the media are taking the words of these fish turds and thinking that all vets are that messed up.  The fakes are also taking benefits and things that the real vets should get.  The VA is actually swamped with fakers getting free medical benefits because they don’t have time to check everybody that comes in and wants help.  Some of us had to wait a year after returning to get into the VA.  What can you do?  If you find a person faking being a vet, kick them in the balls.      

Just National Guard...like to drink and play cards...

From the Soldier side:  I remember way back when I was in the regular Army and the National Guard soldiers we had going through training with us were…uh…uhh…well, what can I say?  They were not the same quality of the regular Army troops we had at the time.  I went through AIT (Advanced Individual Training, or MOS school) with a bunch of National Guard guys…and they were pretty stupid. 

In those days, the standards to get into the Guard were lower than the regular Army.  I got out of the regular Army and stayed away for 13 years…before I decided to join the Guard.  What I found after going through Combat Engineer School was that some of the troops we had were pretty good, and some were oxygen thieves.  Of the two types, there seemed to often be something unique I noticed- the good troops usually had full time jobs or where in college and worked hard.  The dudes were usually un-employed, or alcoholics….or both. 

And then there was the weapons and equipment we had prior to September 11, 2001.  We were issued Viet Nam era weapons and vehicles in the 1990’s.  The heavy dump trucks we had were built in 1968 or there about, the rifles were M-16 A1’s….pistols were still the 1911A1 (which is a good weapon) and the good ol’ M60 machine guns.  We still had Jeeps into the 1990’s!!! 

When I ran a weapons range, I fully expected half the machine guns to break before the day was over and they did. 

Despite the old equipment, when we got called up to go somewhere, we always had a good rock solid group that would step up and volunteer.  In 1989 when the Loma Priata earthquake hit the San Francisco Bay area, by midnight we had an entire company of Combat Engineers ready to go….we moved out the next morning with no place to go because the State couldn’t figure out what to do with us.  4 days later, when the State leaders pulled their brain housing groups out of the back sides, they figured we could help in the Santa Cruz area.  The company commander said he needed 30 volunteers, he got 60. 

We liked to drink and play cards:  Click Here for Drink and play cards ....

Fire in the hole, fire in the hole, fire in the hole....

What a Blast!

From the Soldier side: Isn’t if funny how when as we get older and look back at some things we did in our lives, there are some points that were great. And others that were not. As I learned and say often: “you can’t have an adventure without some part of it sucking!” This was true for almost all the adventures I had as both a civilian cop and a soldier.

My Army days started out in late 1974. I joined up, went into the infantry, did my 2 years and got the hell out. Although we had some good people in those days, we had too many who were not so good. It was after the Viet Nam war was over and the Army was “All Volunteer.” In plain language, we didn’t get the best and the brightest. We actually had some who couldn’t read or write. I’m not kidding!

So I got out and stayed as far away as I could for 13 years. Then one night while I was on police patrol, I sat down and had a cup (of coffee) with a deputy friend of mine. I had worked with him many times, backing each other up on calls and he was a good guy. I heard he was in the California Army National Guard, so I asked him about it.

He was a platoon sergeant for a combat engineer platoon.

(Basic Army organization: There are usually Teams- 4-5 soldiers; two teams make squad. 4 squads make a platoon. 3-5 platoons make a company. Let’s stop there)

When I was in the regular Army, I only saw the combat engineers out in the field with us one time. They were putting up a barbed wire entanglement, and they didn’t look like they knew what they were doing.

Click here to see what that is: Engineer traps and stuff....

So, my Deputy friend told me what combat engineers did. They had all kinds of construction equipment and tools…dump truck, bull dozers, loaders, backhoes, etc. Their job was to build stuff. And…blow shit up.

Me: “you said, blow shit up? Like how?”

Deputy: “with C4, TNT, or whatever is called for to do the job.”

Me: “How can I find out more?”
Deputy: “come to our next weekend drill.”

I did, and I was hooked.  It looked like another way to have an adventure- one weekend a month.

…and off I was to Combat Engineer School.   ..But not the full 8 week course that brand new recruits go through, but the short 2 week course that is set up for prior serves Reserves. 

We went through the information really fast and what would normally take a week; we did in a day or less.  The time we spent on the demo range could have been longer in my opinion.  At the time we went to the range to blast, the camp we were at actually wanted us to blow up some remains of old buildings.  Cool. 

The day we went to blow up the remains of the old buildings is the day I really found how much the Army National Guard is the unwanted step child of the US Army.  We were given 15 pounds of TNT blocks….dated 1952.  This was military stuff, so it was more stable than civilian stuff, but it was still Korean War vintage!  WTF? 

Now, I’m sure most of my readers don’t know most of the technical stuff about explosives, but military explosives need military blasting caps to set them off. The civilian type blasting caps are only about half as powerful.  (Forget what you see on TV and movies) So, guess what we had to use…civilian blasting caps to set off our 40 year old stuff.  This was going to be “typical National Guard” SNAFU. 

As a class, we set the charges on the old building remains.  We set each charge with a group of students.  I was watching some of the other students.  Some of them got very nervous and shaky when handling stuff that could turn you into red vapor.  The instructors were keeping a very close eye on some. 

We took our time setting the charges, got everything double checked by the instructor and then I was asked to figure out and cut the time fuse for the non-electric civilian blasting caps we had to use. 

I figured 5 minutes was plenty of time to get to cover.  We set the igniters, yelled: “Fire in the hole” three times, pulled them to light the fuse and took off.  Three of us were watching our watches to count down the time….1 minute.

2 minutes

3 minutes

4 minutes

5 minutes

6 minutes, 7, 8, 9, 10 still no blast.  We waited and had lunch just to be safe.  As we ate lunch, we discussed what could have gone wrong with the blast….we had double primed it, so it must have been the weak blasting caps.  Damn it! 

After two hours of waiting, the head instructor asked for 3 volunteers to walk down range with him and check the TNT and see why it didn’t go “boom.” 

Two of us students said we’d go with him.  I felt safe, but most of the others were worried it’d blow up when we got there.  We checked out the TNT and found that the blasting caps had popped, but had no effect.  We decided it would be best to set a counter charge of one pound of C4 on top of the TNT and use military blasting caps, triple primed and prayed it would blow the second time. 

It did blow.  From that day, until we got deployed to Bosnia and Iraq, the National Guard units I was with usually got left over equipment from the regular Army.  In many cases, it caused the mission to fail, or we had to pull stuff out of our ass to make it work.  Many times we had no fuel for our vehicles and would have to stop at a civilian gas station and use our own credit cards to fill the trucks up. 

More Combat Engineer stories to follow… 

UPDATED, I found some old photos: 

1950's "Vintage" TNT

Blue baby and the speed of sound....

From the cop side: When you watch American TV these days, there must be at least 12 to 15 cop shows on. Most if not all are about folks getting murdered and big thefts of money and stuff. Very few show the “normal” stuff cops really do. And, they always solve the problem in one hour. Great, in most cases it would take us longer than that just to write the report… Speaking of reports, you almost never see the cops writing them…if they do, it’s quick.

The other fun things you see in TV are chasing the bad guys, yep, that’s fun, but these days in California, if you chase somebody in a car, there’s even more paperwork the State makes the cops fill out. One thing that most bureaucrats think will solve all problems is filling out a form for some problem.

However, what I found the most rewarding thing I ever did in police work was saving a life. In 32 years I did CPR about 15 times—a few times I actually saved somebody…most of the time we were too late. But, I always tried.

Then there were the gunshot wounds, the cuts from knives, heads smashed in from bats, car wrecks and stuff like that. In most cases, the victims were adults and the cause was often from intoxication or other stupid adult behavior. The city I first started working in was like the suicide capitol for the state or something…maybe it was the water. For an adult with a terminal illness, I kind of think if they want to check out on their own, who are we to stop them?

But babies and children I’ll knock down brick walls to save them. I’d even do crazy stuff to get to them if needed. I figure kids deserve everything we can do to allow them to grow up into adults…and hopefully they are smart and do good in life….but we have to give them the chance.

One day I was on “routine” patrol in the city I used to work in. It was late in the afternoon and so far it had been a quiet dayshift. I had been driving my assigned Crown Vic around in circles for hours punching holes in the air. I always took very good care of the car I was assigned. It was always clean and polished…and I would personally talk to the mechanic to make sure it was in perfect condition. I had them add good gas shocks, change the air filter etc often and made sure everything was in perfect condition--- especially the suspension and brakes. Good to go fast, but you have to handle the turns and stops.

Anyway…there I was driving around looking for trouble…when the computer screen in my car showed the dispatcher was getting a medical aid 911 call. As the dispatcher opened an incident, it would start coming up on our computer in the car, so we could see what was coming as soon as they started it---even before they called us on the radio.

The display just showed the address and that it was a medical aid call--- transferred to the Fire Department dispatcher…then the police dispatcher called me on the radio.

“L 1 can you respond to a medical aid, a baby choking and turning blue at ……”

Me: “Dispatch, L1 is enroute, I’ll be going Code 3, advise the X unit (the Sergeant).”

Now, at that point in my life I had been a CPR / First Aid instructor for over 12 years…. I had trained hundreds of people how to do CPR and in that class, we did training for choking babies. I had never actually saved a little kid though.

I’m glad the traffic was light…I hit the throttle on the 275 horsepower Crown Vic and went to the speed of sound. I was doing all kinds of controlled crazy shit to get there and save this little girl.

As usual, citizen drivers didn’t know what to do when a police car with lights and siren on was coming up behind them…so in some cases they’d stop in the middle of the road in a panic, in other cases they’d pull to the left and panic…a few did what they were supposed to do- pull the right and get the f—k out of the way. I have to save a kid, I wasn’t going to a sell on donuts….move to the right and get out of the way NOW!

The speed of sound.... If you do it right, the Crown Vic and go faster than the speed of sound….it will actually go faster than the speed at which people can hear the siren…so it must be faster than the speed of sound, right?

I made the turn on the street where the little girl was turning blue…. Parked in front, got out with my first aid kit and ran through the front door without an invite.

Mom was holding the little girl and freaking out….”Officer, can you help her?”

Me: “let me have her, I can help.”

I took the little baby and cradled her in my left arm with her face up…she had a pulse and was looking at me, but no air was going in.

I turned her face down, and gave a little pat on her back…and out came the food and a cry. Good sign…I love when I hear a baby cry in these cases.

The Fire Department in that city is very good, they get there quick. As the fire folks walked into the house, I had the little girl still in my arms making sure she was going to keep breathing. I started to hand her to the medic, but he looked at me and said: “you look like you know what you’re doing, let’s walk her out to the ambulance.”



She did fine and lived. I felt good. I came back to that house the next day to make sure she was OK and gave little plastic police badges to her brother and sisters. They made me a plate of cookies and that was one of the best rewards I had ever gotten in my entire life. Better than any medals or certificates.

That little girl is about 8 years old now.

What's on your (gun) list?

From the Civilian Range Master side:  As some of my readers know, one of my part time jobs I got after I semi retired from the police department is teaching folks how to shoot.  One of the benefits from this job is getting to see a lot of really nice guns and help some folks figure out what they have and how to shoot it. 

We also have some folks who come to the range who know how to shoot really well and have some really cool guns.  When I have time between classes, I like to walk on the range and see.  The other day a guy came in with a .22 rifle. 

Now, most of you might thing: “Well, the CI Roller dude has shot all kinds of guns, up to and including .50 cal machine guns, MK 19 grenade launchers, and the old 81 MM mortar.  Why would he care about a little .22 rifle?”

Well, this one was very special.  It is the match rifles they use in the Olympic Biathlon event.  This is where they ski, then shoot.  The rifle is very different, and very, very accurate. 

Just shooting the little target is tough, but when you add the ski stuff, it’s very tough.  I’m talking about hitting a target about the size of a half dollar at over 50 feet. 

The guy asked if I wanted to shoot his rifle.  I said: “Hell yes!” 

It was better than I was.  I fired 5 rounds at 18 yards and got a nice group…but I tell you it wouldn’t have won any gold medals…and I suck on the snow and I hate the cold. 

But this guy was very good

Olympic gunners....

Happy New Year...Call for Fire...Flares...in the open

From the Soldier side:  Here it is New Years Eve and I am all relaxed and comfortable in my home.  I was thinking about the last 30 plus years and how many New Years Eves I’ve worked as cop…some just working DUI check points, some just “routine patrol” or the supervisor.  I guess the most unusual one’s I’ve had were the 2003-04 one in Bosnia.  That was pretty un-eventful. 

However, the 2004-05 New Year’s we spent in Fallujah, Iraq with the First Marine Division was the most unusual of all.  It was after the  Second Battle of Fallujah That was the time the US military was allowing the “good” citizens of Fallujah to return to their homes…or what was left of them.  It was estimated during the “battle” that about 75% of that city was destroyed.  (I got to go back a few months after that and get out and look around.  It looked like a real friggen’ war zone.)

(read about the battle here:    Second Battle of Fallujah     

On New Years Eve 2004, there was no electricity or lights in the City of Fallujah…so, the Marines had the US Army artillery units firing flares into the sky to provide light.  There is nothing like the sound of a 155 howitzer firing round after round. 

See here - M109 howitzer   

Each round would go up into the sky, explode, the let out a giant flare…the flares had parachutes on them to slow the fall…and they provide a heck of a lot of light until they hit the ground and went out.  It was one of the best fireworks displays I’ve ever seen on New Year’s Eve. 

I think they stopped around midnight, then we all went to sleep….but it was about the most different thing I’ve ever seen in my life. 

I keep saying, as long as nobody is shooting mortars and AKs at me, it's a good day. 

Did all the body armor and crap make my ass look fat?

Happy new year. 

Christmas time in....Fallujah, Bosnia...and...

the Soldier  and the Cop side:  It’s that time of the year when half the population gets all happy and glad…and the other half seems to get all depressed and sad.  But my goal today is to bring a good story to all.

As some of my readers know, I retired from the police department in May…but I was asked to come back part time and help with some stuff.  I thought it was kind of funny when I heard about a young copper complaining about actually having to work on Christmas day. 

SFOR 14 Christmas and Eagle Base, Bosnia

I stopped and thought for a minute and tried in vain to bite my lip and not speak up…but you know how I am.  I just spoke what popped into my head:
“I worked 32 years as a cop and was happy to have had the job.  In all those years, where I was on the schedule to work the day Christmas came that year, I only asked for it off ONE TIME.  I worked every single holiday I was scheduled to work for 32 years….and I never complained.” 

However, looking back, working on Christmas in California as a police officer/ sergeant, wasn’t so bad.  What was really an adventure was working on Christmas day in Fallujah, Iraq in 2004.  Or, the year before in Bosnia.  Even that wasn’t so bad.  In Bosnia, we got the day off and had good chow in the mess hall.  In Iraq, the Marines we were working for gave us half the day off. 

...and Rumsfeld said all the vehicles we had in Iraq were properly armored...

But what really made things better on my deployments was all the nice things sent to us by family, friends and some folks I never had even met before.  Thanks for supporting the troops. 

Yesterday, I went out to run some errands.  As I was parking my truck, I parked next to a very nice 1967 Chevy…I noticed on the back the owner had placed a Viet Nam Vet sticker. 

As I was getting out of my truck, the Nam Vet was walking to his.  He saw my Iraq Vet sticker and he said: “Thanks for your service.” 

I looked at him and said: “Thanks for yours.” 

I think vets coming home these days do have some things to get over, but I think the public sure treats us a lot better than some of the past vets. 

Now, for those who may have to work this Christmas at some police department, stop your whining and be happy you have a good job and you’re not in some shithole like Iraq for Christmas….and we didn’t get overtime in the Army. 

Merry Christmas

Baby UP!

NO Grandpa, I don't want my picture on your dumb blog!

Troops pulling out of Iraq....

I don't usually post stuff about recent news...but this is exciting....(this is my excited look).

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - The last convoy of U.S. soldiers pulled out of Iraq on Sunday, ending nearly nine years of war that cost almost 4,500 American and tens of thousands of Iraqi lives and left a country grappling with political uncertainty. The war launched in March 2003 with missiles striking Baghdad to oust President Saddam Hussein closes with a fragile democracy still facing insurgents, sectarian tensions and the challenge of defining its place in an Arab region in turmoil. The final column of around 100 mostly U.S. military MRAP armored vehicles carrying 500 U.S......

After spending 15 months of my life....doing useless training for 3 months, then spending a year there......My first question is:



Did we win? 

Jesus Drives...and he's in a F-150

From the Cop side:  OK, another Jesus story.  I can’t recall the guy’s actual name, but thinking back before I semi retired, I don’t think he’s been around for many years…wonder what happened to him. 

(back in the late 1980's) About a few months after my last story about Jesus, I saw him walking around my beat.  Since I was a pretty pro-active copper, I had all his data in my pocket notebook, so I could check him for warrants without even having to stop him (to avoid harassment complaints). 

As Jesus was walking around his favorite place, a local college campus, I was advised by the dispatcher that he had a pretty good warrant for his arrest that needed to be served on him. 

Just as the dispatcher finished giving me the info over the radio, I lost sight of Jesus…again.  How did he do that disappearing act?  As I began cruising the area I’d last seen him, I saw an old POS (piece of shit) Ford F150 pass by with Jesus himself driving. 

As I turned my old Dodge Diplomat around to go after the truck, dispatch updated me with info that Jesus also had a suspended drivers license. 
Oh boy.   A warrant arrest and a suspended license arrest.... (I think that warrant was for something like $10,000, which was a lot in those days)

As I started to close in on Jesus and his POS truck, he tried to accelerate away from me.  Oh boy, I thought I was going to get in a pursuit with Jesus…which in those days was actually kind of fun--- before we had to fill out reams of paper. 

I activated my emergency lights and tapped the Federal siren a few times… I could see Jesus in the side mirrors of his truck and saw him looking back at me.  I knew he wasn’t going to out run me, but his truck could cause a lot of problems with other traffic. 

After a few blocks…now getting closer to the highway, Jesus was speeding up and I had the siren on continuous, which made it difficult for the dispatcher to hear me…all anybody could hear was SIREN and that got all the other cops and deputies scanning our freq to get excited and start heading towards Jesus….pretty soon, he was going to have more of my buddies than he’d know what to do with.  You can't outrun a Motorola radio. 

Then…all of a sudden he turned into a gas station and stopped at a gas pump.  As I pulled in behind him, Jesus got out and started pumping gas into his POS truck. 

I parked my rig, and walked up to him and said: “Can I see your license, registration and proof of insurance please.”

He handed me his library card.  I looked at the card, and said: “ehhhh, this is your library card, and by the way, your license is suspended.” 

Jesus started to walk to the door of his truck and said:”I’ll get it out of the truck.”
I grabbed his arms and applied the good old Peerless handcuffs, checking for proper tightness and double locking… and said: “Never mind, and you have a warrant to.”

I packed him up into the back of my car.  My cover officer parked the truck and I told Jesus he wasn’t allowed to drive. 

He went to jail….and was out by the next weekend.  He got to his truck and was pulled over that weekend by a kind of rookie cop at a nearby department.  Jesus pulled the same thing on that cop, but that cop allowed him to get into his truck to “look for the license he didn’t have.” 

In that incident, Jesus locked the doors and they had a stand off….which ended with a smarter cop coming along and breaking one of the truck windows and pulling Jesus’s ass out the door. 

I arrested Jesus many times over the next few years….each time it brought pleasure to my soul knowing I was doing a good service for the public---who never knew.   

I know...I'm going to hell. 

...And He fed the thousands....a loaf of bread...

From the Cop side: Well, we’ve used the democratic process…and the next story (s?) is or are about dealing with Biblical type persons in police work.  I’m sure if you ask any cop who’s been on the job for more than a few minutes, they’ll have or are going to have a story of arresting somebody who looks and or acts like a character from the Bible. 

Now, please don’t think I’m trying to be sacrilegious, and I hope I don’t offend anybody (too much)…but I know I’m going to hell already. 

Many years ago…..

I was working the day watch on police patrol around a small college campus.  The campus was known for it’s magnetic like attractions for 5150’s (mentally ill people).  The nut jobs came to the college for all kinds of reasons, most of which had nothing to do with actually getting an education.  In some cases, they never even enrolled, but would just walk into a class or office and causing a disturbance. 
 I got dispatched to a Jesus sighting.  Well…I’m pretty sure he really wasn’t Jesus, but he kind of looked like him.  He was tall and thin…with long hair and long dark beard.  His clothes were ragged and dirty and he rarely took a bath. 

The one thing this guy could do that made me start to think he might have some kind of special powers was he could disappear into thin air.  I mean I’d get a call, and head over to where Jesus was.  I’d see him for a second…then POOF!  He’d be gone.  I never saw him walk on water, but I did check the nearby creeks just in case.     

On this one cool winter morning I got a call on Jesus again.  He was caught taking stuff from a mini mart and was last seen running towards the college campus….barefoot. 

I knew the only direct path Jesus would have to take to continue his flight from justice (in which other law enforcement members where in fresh pursuit).  I just parked my patrol car and waited….

There he was, running and shoving food into his mouth.  I wanted to wait and see if he turned the one loaf of bread into hundreds…but he was eating it too fast.  (He didn’t have any  fish.) 

The problem with running and trying to do almost anything else, including shoving food into your face, is it often causes a person to lose balance.  This did happen to Jesus and he fell….right in front of me. 
At this point, I was laughing so hard, I had a very difficult time getting out of my patrol car and walking over to where Jesus was laying prone on the ground with a loaf of bread scattered all around.  I was still waiting to see if he was going to turn the one loaf into many.  Didn’t happen. 

How disappointing.  Then I helped Jesus to his feet…still trying to control my laughter.

However, as soon as he was up, he broke loose and ran (he didn’t fly or anything like I might have expected)…then he was gone.

There was only one place he could have gone on the college…there was an all female dance class next to where we had been…he’d run into the class.

I walked into the dance class, and noticed several dance students pointing to the back of the class.  (They were all doing some kind of high stretch in a synchronized fashion)…and there was barefoot Jesue in the back dancing like a retard on an ice rink.  I did the habeas grabis on his arm, and applied the Peerless brand handcuffs in a proper manner as to not be too tight and double locked them. 

As I walked Jesus out of the class, I received applause from the students and the teacher.  I was still trying to control my laughter. 

As I took Jesus over to where the original crime had occurred, I found he was also a wanted man and he was not really Jesus.  I took him to jail and his Father didn’t come down and make bail. 

More to follow…. Jesus drives!