CI-Roller Dude

CAL Guard, 12Bravo, 1st in, Last out

2012-02-08T19:45:00.000-08:00

Fromthe Soldier side: Sometimes looking back on my National Guard days, I oftenasked myself: “Why did you stay in?” Remember I had been in the Regular Army inthe old Berlin Brigade. In Berlin, we were spit shined all the time. We hadhighly polished boots, sharp creases in our uniforms and enough starch to stopa bullet. (well not really)

1968 "Vintage" 5 Ton Dump trucks... Delta Co 579th Engineers

But,the National Guard in 1989 was nothing like that. We had some guys whose onlyjob was the “One weekend a month” when they came to drills. It was easy to seewhy many of them couldn’t hold a regular job the rest of the month- they weretoo messed up. Many were drunks, lazy, slobs, or just dumb. Some were all ofthe above.

…Allexcept the platoon I was in. Somehow I ended up in the best platoon. (Well, wehad a few heavy drinkers, but they were “functioning alcoholics”.) It was goodto be on a good platoon, but guess who they called on when they neededsomething done and done right? Our platoon.

DidI mention we had some heavy drinkers? Wedid. I think the worst were thecooks. Now for those who’ve never beenin the military, you may not know that they actually send people to school tolearn how to cook for other people. But,in our case, I suspect most of our company cooks fell asleep in cookschool.

Thefirst time I went out into the “field” (that’s where we’d camp out in the woodsfor the weekend) I found how bad our cooks were. Now write this down: “50% of doing any jobwell is just showing up!” Well, most ofthe times our cooks were too drunk to wake up the next morning or they forgotto come to drill one weekend a month.

…sothere we were, bivouacked (military term for camping) in some woods near ourarmory. We had been running around allSaturday digging holes and stuff. Whenit came to dinner time, we were told that there was a problem, so we’d beeating MREs. The next morning forbreakfast, we were expecting eggs, coffee and stuff…and we were told that therewas a problem. So my platoon sergeantcalled me over to the hood of his Jeep. He opened up his ruck sack and took out a camp stove, instant coffee anda box of Pop Tarts. He said: “It’sanother Pop Tart Breakfast.”

Ilearned that day to NEVER count on anybody to take care of my men or me. It’s happened in the Army and in Police workmany times. Our cooks were drunks andwhen they finally woke up, I suggested that we tie them to the Jeep and dragthem around in the woods.

VET Posers are out of control....!!!

2012-01-31T12:25:00.001-08:00

I’m going to get off track from the “series” I started towrite about and do a little venting. Yeah, most people who know me know I will say what I think, but I try toremain “professional” when I’m actually working. Since this is my blog, I really can writewhat I want.

What I’m really getting sick of is the fakes and posers outthere now claiming to be vets from Iraq or Afghanistan. Some of them are so outrageous; that anybodywho was even in the military for the minimum number of years could figure outthe person is full or fish. (I’m tryingto not swear—I saw that on a TV show the other night, fish can mean fuck, shitor anything, but I’m not going to swear).

The guys who write for the blog: “This ain’t hell…” arepretty good at finding stories on fake vets, or ones who embellish theirhistory. I mean I’m very proud of thefact that I deployed to both Bosnia and Iraq and did Mess Kit Repair. That was a very important job and I am proudof it.

However, for the dirtbag piece of fish who were either neverin the military, or never went to any of the hot spots now in the news, theyare taking the public and spinning some really fish stories about stuff theyknow nothing about and the public is sucking it up because they want to?

Here’s a story about a faker who said the Army forced him tobe a sniper and he has problems from having to kill people. BIG FAKE VET STORY, clicky here

Let me explain to my gentle non-military readers…. The ARMYdoesn’t force anybody to be a sniper. You have to volunteer for the school, and you only pass if you have yourfish together….both physical and mentally. No retards are allowed. And nofish heads.

Signs to spot a fake vet:

If they claim to have been in the Navy, they’ll claim tohave been a SEAL. If claiming Army, they’claim to have been a sniper, “green beret” Ranger. If claiming to have been a Marine, they’ll saythe were Recon, or scout/sniper. Ifclaiming Air Force, they’ll have been the door gunner on the space shuttle, orsomething like that.

Other signs, if the person is really out of shape, has othermental problems and just seems to make up stuff about everything, he or she ismore than likely making up their military career. What I’ve found is those who were really insomething special, will not brag about it and you usually have to get out ofthem what they did.

Why is this bad? Becausethe public and the media are taking the words of these fish turds and thinkingthat all vets are that messed up. Thefakes are also taking benefits and things that the real vets should get. The VA is actually swamped with fakersgetting free medical benefits because they don’t have time to check everybodythat comes in and wants help. Some of ushad to wait a year after returning to get into the VA. What can you do? If you find a person faking being a vet, kickthem in the balls.

Just National Guard...like to drink and play cards...

2012-01-25T17:53:00.000-08:00

Fromthe Soldier side: I remember way backwhen I was in the regular Army and the National Guard soldiers we had goingthrough training with us were…uh…uhh…well, what can I say? They were not the same quality of the regularArmy troops we had at the time. I wentthrough AIT (Advanced Individual Training, or MOS school) with a bunch ofNational Guard guys…and they were pretty stupid.

Inthose days, the standards to get into the Guard were lower than the regularArmy. I got out of the regular Army andstayed away for 13 years…before I decided to join the Guard. What I found after going through CombatEngineer School was that some of the troops we had were pretty good, and somewere oxygen thieves. Of the two types,there seemed to often be something unique I noticed- the good troops usuallyhad full time jobs or where in college and worked hard. The dudes were usually un-employed, or alcoholics….orboth.

Andthen there was the weapons and equipment we had prior to September 11,2001. We were issued Viet Nam eraweapons and vehicles in the 1990’s. Theheavy dump trucks we had were built in 1968 or there about, the rifles wereM-16 A1’s….pistols were still the 1911A1 (which is a good weapon) and the goodol’ M60 machine guns. We still had Jeepsinto the 1990’s!!!

WhenI ran a weapons range, I fully expected half the machine guns to break beforethe day was over and they did.

Despitethe old equipment, when we got called up to go somewhere, we always had a goodrock solid group that would step up and volunteer. In 1989 when the Loma Priata earthquake hitthe San Francisco Bay area, by midnight we had an entire company of CombatEngineers ready to go….we moved out the next morning with no place to gobecause the State couldn’t figure out what to do with us. 4 days later, when the State leaders pulledtheir brain housing groups out of the back sides, they figured we could help inthe Santa Cruz area. The companycommander said he needed 30 volunteers, he got 60.

We liked to drink and play cards: Click Here for Drink and play cards ....

Fire in the hole, fire in the hole, fire in the hole....

2012-01-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

Whata Blast!

Fromthe Soldier side: Isn’t if funny how when as we get older and look back at somethings we did in our lives, there are some points that were great. And othersthat were not. As I learned and say often: “you can’t have an adventure withoutsome part of it sucking!” This was true for almost all the adventures I had asboth a civilian cop and a soldier.

MyArmy days started out in late 1974. I joined up, went into the infantry, did my2 years and got the hell out. Although we had some good people in those days,we had too many who were not so good. It was after the Viet Nam war was overand the Army was “All Volunteer.” In plain language, we didn’t get the best andthe brightest. We actually had some who couldn’t read or write. I’m not kidding!

SoI got out and stayed as far away as I could for 13 years. Then one night whileI was on police patrol, I sat down and had a cup (of coffee) with a deputyfriend of mine. I had worked with him many times, backing each other up oncalls and he was a good guy. I heard he was in the California Army NationalGuard, so I asked him about it.

Hewas a platoon sergeant for a combat engineer platoon.

(BasicArmy organization: There are usually Teams- 4-5 soldiers; two teams make squad.4 squads make a platoon. 3-5 platoons make a company. Let’s stop there)

WhenI was in the regular Army, I only saw the combat engineers out in the fieldwith us one time. They were putting up a barbed wire entanglement, and theydidn’t look like they knew what they were doing.

Clickhere to see what that is: Engineer traps and stuff....

So,my Deputy friend told me what combat engineers did. They had all kinds ofconstruction equipment and tools…dump truck, bull dozers, loaders, backhoes, etc.Their job was to build stuff. And…blow shit up.

Me:“you said, blow shit up? Like how?”

Deputy:“with C4, TNT, or whatever is called for to do the job.”

Me:“How can I find out more?”
Deputy: “come to our next weekend drill.”

Idid, and I was hooked. It looked likeanother way to have an adventure- one weekend a month.

…andoff I was to Combat Engineer School. ..Butnot the full 8 week course that brand new recruits go through, but the short 2week course that is set up for prior serves Reserves.

Wewent through the information really fast and what would normally take a week;we did in a day or less. The time wespent on the demo range could have been longer in my opinion. At the time we went to the range to blast,the camp we were at actually wanted us to blow up some remains of oldbuildings. Cool.

Theday we went to blow up the remains of the old buildings is the day I reallyfound how much the Army National Guard is the unwanted step child of the USArmy. We were given 15 pounds of TNTblocks….dated 1952. This was militarystuff, so it was more stable than civilian stuff, but it was still Korean Warvintage! WTF?

Now,I’m sure most of my readers don’t know most of the technical stuff aboutexplosives, but military explosives need military blasting caps to set themoff. The civilian type blasting caps are only about half as powerful. (Forget what you see on TV and movies) So,guess what we had to use…civilian blasting caps to set off our 40 year oldstuff. This was going to be “typicalNational Guard” SNAFU.

Asa class, we set the charges on the old building remains. We set each charge with a group ofstudents. I was watching some of theother students. Some of them got verynervous and shaky when handling stuff that could turn you into red vapor. The instructors were keeping a very close eyeon some.

Wetook our time setting the charges, got everything double checked by theinstructor and then I was asked to figure out and cut the time fuse for thenon-electric civilian blasting caps we had to use.

Ifigured 5 minutes was plenty of time to get to cover. We set the igniters, yelled: “Fire in thehole” three times, pulled them to light the fuse and took off. Three of us were watching our watches tocount down the time….1 minute.

2minutes

3minutes

4minutes

5minutes

6minutes, 7, 8, 9, 10 still no blast. Wewaited and had lunch just to be safe. Aswe ate lunch, we discussed what could have gone wrong with the blast….we haddouble primed it, so it must have been the weak blasting caps. Damn it!

Aftertwo hours of waiting, the head instructor asked for 3 volunteers to walk downrange with him and check the TNT and see why it didn’t go “boom.”

Twoof us students said we’d go with him. Ifelt safe, but most of the others were worried it’d blow up when we gotthere. We checked out the TNT and foundthat the blasting caps had popped, but had no effect. We decided it would be best to set a countercharge of one pound of C4 on top of the TNT and use military blasting caps, tripleprimed and prayed it would blow the second time.

Itdid blow. From that day, until we gotdeployed to Bosnia and Iraq, the National Guard units I was with usually gotleft over equipment from the regular Army. In many cases, it caused the mission to fail, or we had to pull stuffout of our ass to make it work. Manytimes we had no fuel for our vehicles and would have to stop at a civilian gasstation and use our own credit cards to fill the trucks up.

MoreCombat Engineer stories to follow…

UPDATED, I found some old photos:

1950's "Vintage" TNT

Blue baby and the speed of sound....

2012-01-09T09:06:00.000-08:00

From the cop side: When you watch American TV these days, there must be at least 12 to 15 cop shows on. Most if not all are about folks getting murdered and big thefts of money and stuff. Very few show the “normal” stuff cops really do. And, they always solve the problem in one hour. Great, in most cases it would take us longer than that just to write the report… Speaking of reports, you almost never see the cops writing them…if they do, it’s quick.

The other fun things you see in TV are chasing the bad guys, yep, that’s fun, but these days in California, if you chase somebody in a car, there’s even more paperwork the State makes the cops fill out. One thing that most bureaucrats think will solve all problems is filling out a form for some problem.

However, what I found the most rewarding thing I ever did in police work was saving a life. In 32 years I did CPR about 15 times—a few times I actually saved somebody…most of the time we were too late. But, I always tried.

Then there were the gunshot wounds, the cuts from knives, heads smashed in from bats, car wrecks and stuff like that. In most cases, the victims were adults and the cause was often from intoxication or other stupid adult behavior. The city I first started working in was like the suicide capitol for the state or something…maybe it was the water. For an adult with a terminal illness, I kind of think if they want to check out on their own, who are we to stop them?

But babies and children I’ll knock down brick walls to save them. I’d even do crazy stuff to get to them if needed. I figure kids deserve everything we can do to allow them to grow up into adults…and hopefully they are smart and do good in life….but we have to give them the chance.

One day I was on “routine” patrol in the city I used to work in. It was late in the afternoon and so far it had been a quiet dayshift. I had been driving my assigned Crown Vic around in circles for hours punching holes in the air. I always took very good care of the car I was assigned. It was always clean and polished…and I would personally talk to the mechanic to make sure it was in perfect condition. I had them add good gas shocks, change the air filter etc often and made sure everything was in perfect condition--- especially the suspension and brakes. Good to go fast, but you have to handle the turns and stops.

Anyway…there I was driving around looking for trouble…when the computer screen in my car showed the dispatcher was getting a medical aid 911 call. As the dispatcher opened an incident, it would start coming up on our computer in the car, so we could see what was coming as soon as they started it---even before they called us on the radio.

The display just showed the address and that it was a medical aid call--- transferred to the Fire Department dispatcher…then the police dispatcher called me on the radio.

“L 1 can you respond to a medical aid, a baby choking and turning blue at ……”

Me: “Dispatch, L1 is enroute, I’ll be going Code 3, advise the X unit (the Sergeant).”

Now, at that point in my life I had been a CPR / First Aid instructor for over 12 years…. I had trained hundreds of people how to do CPR and in that class, we did training for choking babies. I had never actually saved a little kid though.

I’m glad the traffic was light…I hit the throttle on the 275 horsepower Crown Vic and went to the speed of sound. I was doing all kinds of controlled crazy shit to get there and save this little girl.

As usual, citizen drivers didn’t know what to do when a police car with lights and siren on was coming up behind them…so in some cases they’d stop in the middle of the road in a panic, in other cases they’d pull to the left and panic…a few did what they were supposed to do- pull the right and get the f—k out of the way. I have to save a kid, I wasn’t going to a sell on donuts….move to the right and get out of the way NOW!

The speed of sound.... If you do it right, the Crown Vic and go faster than the speed of sound….it will actually go faster than the speed at which people can hear the siren…so it must be faster than the speed of sound, right?

I made the turn on the street where the little girl was turning blue…. Parked in front, got out with my first aid kit and ran through the front door without an invite.

Mom was holding the little girl and freaking out….”Officer, can you help her?”

Me: “let me have her, I can help.”

I took the little baby and cradled her in my left arm with her face up…she had a pulse and was looking at me, but no air was going in.

I turned her face down, and gave a little pat on her back…and out came the food and a cry. Good sign…I love when I hear a baby cry in these cases.

The Fire Department in that city is very good, they get there quick. As the fire folks walked into the house, I had the little girl still in my arms making sure she was going to keep breathing. I started to hand her to the medic, but he looked at me and said: “you look like you know what you’re doing, let’s walk her out to the ambulance.”

She did fine and lived. I felt good. I came back to that house the next day to make sure she was OK and gave little plastic police badges to her brother and sisters. They made me a plate of cookies and that was one of the best rewards I had ever gotten in my entire life. Better than any medals or certificates.

That little girl is about 8 years old now.

What's on your (gun) list?

2012-01-06T15:08:00.000-08:00

Fromthe Civilian Range Master side: As someof my readers know, one of my part time jobs I got after I semi retired fromthe police department is teaching folks how to shoot. One of the benefits from this job is gettingto see a lot of really nice guns and help some folks figure out what they haveand how to shoot it.

Wealso have some folks who come to the range who know how to shoot really welland have some really cool guns. When Ihave time between classes, I like to walk on the range and see. The other day a guy came in with a .22rifle.

Now,most of you might thing: “Well, the CI Roller dude has shot all kinds of guns,up to and including .50 cal machine guns, MK 19 grenade launchers, and the old81 MM mortar. Why would he care about alittle .22 rifle?”

Well,this one was very special. It is thematch rifles they use in the Olympic Biathlon event. This is where they ski, then shoot. The rifle is very different, and very, very accurate.

Justshooting the little target is tough, but when you add the ski stuff, it’s verytough. I’m talking about hitting atarget about the size of a half dollar at over 50 feet.

Theguy asked if I wanted to shoot his rifle. I said: “Hell yes!”

Itwas better than I was. I fired 5 roundsat 18 yards and got a nice group…but I tell you it wouldn’t have won any goldmedals…and I suck on the snow and I hate the cold.

Butthis guy was very good

Olympic gunners....

Happy New Year...Call for Fire...Flares...in the open

2011-12-31T18:08:00.000-08:00

Fromthe Soldier side: Here it is New YearsEve and I am all relaxed and comfortable in my home. I was thinking about the last 30 plus yearsand how many New Years Eves I’ve worked as cop…some just working DUI checkpoints, some just “routine patrol” or the supervisor. I guess the most unusual one’s I’ve had werethe 2003-04 one in Bosnia. That waspretty un-eventful.

However,the 2004-05 New Year’s we spent in Fallujah, Iraq with the First MarineDivision was the most unusual of all. Itwas after the Second Battle of Fallujah That was the time the USmilitary was allowing the “good” citizens of Fallujah to return to their homes…orwhat was left of them. It was estimatedduring the “battle” that about 75% of that city was destroyed. (I got to go back a few months after that andget out and look around. It looked likea real friggen’ war zone.)

(readabout the battle here: Second Battle of Fallujah

OnNew Years Eve 2004, there was no electricity or lights in the City of Fallujah…so,the Marines had the US Army artillery units firing flares into the sky toprovide light. There is nothing like thesound of a 155 howitzer firing round after round.

See here - M109 howitzer

Eachround would go up into the sky, explode, the let out a giant flare…the flareshad parachutes on them to slow the fall…and they provide a heck of a lot oflight until they hit the ground and went out. It was one of the best fireworks displays I’ve ever seen on New Year’sEve.

Ithink they stopped around midnight, then we all went to sleep….but it was aboutthe most different thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

I keep saying, as long as nobody is shooting mortars and AKs at me, it's a good day.

Did all the body armor and crap make my ass look fat?

Happynew year.

How Santa makes it

2011-12-25T12:19:00.000-08:00

After all these years, I figured out how Santa makes it around the world in one night...

The USAF refuels his sleigh along the way....

I'd also like to thank the USAF for flying us out of Baghdad in Dec 2005!

Merry Christmas.

-CI Roller Dude

Christmas time in....Fallujah, Bosnia...and...

2011-12-22T09:43:00.000-08:00

the Soldier and the Cop side: It’s that time of the year when half the population gets all happy and glad…and the other half seems to get all depressed and sad. But my goal today is to bring a good story to all.

As some of my readers know, I retired from the police department in May…but I was asked to come back part time and help with some stuff. I thought it was kind of funny when I heard about a young copper complaining about actually having to work on Christmas day.

SFOR 14 Christmas and Eagle Base, Bosnia

I stopped and thought for a minute and tried in vain to bite my lip and not speak up…but you know how I am. I just spoke what popped into my head:
“I worked 32 years as a cop and was happy to have had the job. In all those years, where I was on the schedule to work the day Christmas came that year, I only asked for it off ONE TIME. I worked every single holiday I was scheduled to work for 32 years….and I never complained.”

However, looking back, working on Christmas in California as a police officer/ sergeant, wasn’t so bad. What was really an adventure was working on Christmas day in Fallujah, Iraq in 2004. Or, the year before in Bosnia. Even that wasn’t so bad. In Bosnia, we got the day off and had good chow in the mess hall. In Iraq, the Marines we were working for gave us half the day off.

...and Rumsfeld said all the vehicles we had in Iraq were properly armored...

But what really made things better on my deployments was all the nice things sent to us by family, friends and some folks I never had even met before. Thanks for supporting the troops.

Yesterday, I went out to run some errands. As I was parking my truck, I parked next to a very nice 1967 Chevy…I noticed on the back the owner had placed a Viet Nam Vet sticker.

As I was getting out of my truck, the Nam Vet was walking to his. He saw my Iraq Vet sticker and he said: “Thanks for your service.”

I looked at him and said: “Thanks for yours.”

I think vets coming home these days do have some things to get over, but I think the public sure treats us a lot better than some of the past vets.

Now, for those who may have to work this Christmas at some police department, stop your whining and be happy you have a good job and you’re not in some shithole like Iraq for Christmas….and we didn’t get overtime in the Army.

Merry Christmas

Baby UP!

2011-12-19T17:19:00.000-08:00

NO Grandpa, I don't want my picture on your dumb blog!

Troops pulling out of Iraq....

2011-12-18T09:14:00.000-08:00

I don't usually post stuff about recent news...but this is exciting....(this is my excited look).

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - The last convoy of U.S. soldiers pulled out of Iraq on Sunday, ending nearly nine years of war that cost almost 4,500 American and tens of thousands of Iraqi lives and left a country grappling with political uncertainty. The war launched in March 2003 with missiles striking Baghdad to oust President Saddam Hussein closes with a fragile democracy still facing insurgents, sectarian tensions and the challenge of defining its place in an Arab region in turmoil. The final column of around 100 mostly U.S. military MRAP armored vehicles carrying 500 U.S......

After spending 15 months of my life....doing useless training for 3 months, then spending a year there......My first question is:

Did we win?

Jesus Drives...and he's in a F-150

2011-12-14T20:29:00.000-08:00

From the Cop side: OK, another Jesus story. I can’t recall the guy’s actual name, but thinking back before I semi retired, I don’t think he’s been around for many years…wonder what happened to him.

(back in the late 1980's) About a few months after my last story about Jesus, I saw him walking around my beat. Since I was a pretty pro-active copper, I had all his data in my pocket notebook, so I could check him for warrants without even having to stop him (to avoid harassment complaints).

As Jesus was walking around his favorite place, a local college campus, I was advised by the dispatcher that he had a pretty good warrant for his arrest that needed to be served on him.

Just as the dispatcher finished giving me the info over the radio, I lost sight of Jesus…again. How did he do that disappearing act? As I began cruising the area I’d last seen him, I saw an old POS (piece of shit) Ford F150 pass by with Jesus himself driving.

As I turned my old Dodge Diplomat around to go after the truck, dispatch updated me with info that Jesus also had a suspended drivers license.
Oh boy. A warrant arrest and a suspended license arrest.... (I think that warrant was for something like $10,000, which was a lot in those days)

As I started to close in on Jesus and his POS truck, he tried to accelerate away from me. Oh boy, I thought I was going to get in a pursuit with Jesus…which in those days was actually kind of fun--- before we had to fill out reams of paper.

I activated my emergency lights and tapped the Federal siren a few times… I could see Jesus in the side mirrors of his truck and saw him looking back at me. I knew he wasn’t going to out run me, but his truck could cause a lot of problems with other traffic.

After a few blocks…now getting closer to the highway, Jesus was speeding up and I had the siren on continuous, which made it difficult for the dispatcher to hear me…all anybody could hear was SIREN and that got all the other cops and deputies scanning our freq to get excited and start heading towards Jesus….pretty soon, he was going to have more of my buddies than he’d know what to do with. You can't outrun a Motorola radio.

Then…all of a sudden he turned into a gas station and stopped at a gas pump. As I pulled in behind him, Jesus got out and started pumping gas into his POS truck.

I parked my rig, and walked up to him and said: “Can I see your license, registration and proof of insurance please.”

He handed me his library card. I looked at the card, and said: “ehhhh, this is your library card, and by the way, your license is suspended.”

Jesus started to walk to the door of his truck and said:”I’ll get it out of the truck.”
I grabbed his arms and applied the good old Peerless handcuffs, checking for proper tightness and double locking… and said: “Never mind, and you have a warrant to.”

I packed him up into the back of my car. My cover officer parked the truck and I told Jesus he wasn’t allowed to drive.

He went to jail….and was out by the next weekend. He got to his truck and was pulled over that weekend by a kind of rookie cop at a nearby department. Jesus pulled the same thing on that cop, but that cop allowed him to get into his truck to “look for the license he didn’t have.”

In that incident, Jesus locked the doors and they had a stand off….which ended with a smarter cop coming along and breaking one of the truck windows and pulling Jesus’s ass out the door.

I arrested Jesus many times over the next few years….each time it brought pleasure to my soul knowing I was doing a good service for the public---who never knew.

I know...I'm going to hell.

...And He fed the thousands....a loaf of bread...

2011-12-07T13:42:00.000-08:00

From the Cop side: Well, we’ve used the democratic process…and the next story (s?) is or are about dealing with Biblical type persons in police work. I’m sure if you ask any cop who’s been on the job for more than a few minutes, they’ll have or are going to have a story of arresting somebody who looks and or acts like a character from the Bible.

Now, please don’t think I’m trying to be sacrilegious, and I hope I don’t offend anybody (too much)…but I know I’m going to hell already.

Many years ago…..

I was working the day watch on police patrol around a small college campus. The campus was known for it’s magnetic like attractions for 5150’s (mentally ill people). The nut jobs came to the college for all kinds of reasons, most of which had nothing to do with actually getting an education. In some cases, they never even enrolled, but would just walk into a class or office and causing a disturbance.
I got dispatched to a Jesus sighting. Well…I’m pretty sure he really wasn’t Jesus, but he kind of looked like him. He was tall and thin…with long hair and long dark beard. His clothes were ragged and dirty and he rarely took a bath.

The one thing this guy could do that made me start to think he might have some kind of special powers was he could disappear into thin air. I mean I’d get a call, and head over to where Jesus was. I’d see him for a second…then POOF! He’d be gone. I never saw him walk on water, but I did check the nearby creeks just in case.

On this one cool winter morning I got a call on Jesus again. He was caught taking stuff from a mini mart and was last seen running towards the college campus….barefoot.

I knew the only direct path Jesus would have to take to continue his flight from justice (in which other law enforcement members where in fresh pursuit). I just parked my patrol car and waited….

There he was, running and shoving food into his mouth. I wanted to wait and see if he turned the one loaf of bread into hundreds…but he was eating it too fast. (He didn’t have any fish.)

The problem with running and trying to do almost anything else, including shoving food into your face, is it often causes a person to lose balance. This did happen to Jesus and he fell….right in front of me.
At this point, I was laughing so hard, I had a very difficult time getting out of my patrol car and walking over to where Jesus was laying prone on the ground with a loaf of bread scattered all around. I was still waiting to see if he was going to turn the one loaf into many. Didn’t happen.

How disappointing. Then I helped Jesus to his feet…still trying to control my laughter.

However, as soon as he was up, he broke loose and ran (he didn’t fly or anything like I might have expected)…then he was gone.

There was only one place he could have gone on the college…there was an all female dance class next to where we had been…he’d run into the class.

I walked into the dance class, and noticed several dance students pointing to the back of the class. (They were all doing some kind of high stretch in a synchronized fashion)…and there was barefoot Jesue in the back dancing like a retard on an ice rink. I did the habeas grabis on his arm, and applied the Peerless brand handcuffs in a proper manner as to not be too tight and double locked them.

As I walked Jesus out of the class, I received applause from the students and the teacher. I was still trying to control my laughter.

As I took Jesus over to where the original crime had occurred, I found he was also a wanted man and he was not really Jesus. I took him to jail and his Father didn’t come down and make bail.

More to follow…. Jesus drives!

OK, you can VOTE on the next stories..

2011-12-06T08:36:00.003-08:00

The CI Roller Dude gets stuck sometimes....I'm thinking of writing about either the Bibical figures I've arrested in my time or should I write about some of the lives I helped save?

You vote, you decide...

Guns Up!

2011-12-02T09:20:00.000-08:00

From the Cop and Soldier side: Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile…been busier than a one legged man at the World Cup Soccer Match.

A funny thing happened to me the other day…since I started working part time at the Police Department I had retired from to help with some special things….the subject of guns came up. The new police Chief asked me how many guns I had.

I didn’t know. I had to stop and count on my fingers….and toes…..and then I went home and opened my gun safe and found one I had forgotten my brother gave to me a few months ago….then I realized I might have a problem.

I checked to see if there was such a place as Gun aloholics anonymous, but no such thing. Then I thought back over the 30 plus years of police work and Army/ National Guard work….and how many times I was called upon to either run a range, or another officer would ask for me when they had taken an “odd gun” in and didn’t know how to unload it.

And now, one of my part time jobs since retiring is teaching good citizens, cops and others how to shoot or shoot better. So, did all those years of reading every gun book and magazine pay off?

I like to shoot. I like to teach others to shoot…and work on guns.

We got a brand new 1911 .45 in the shop the other day…it was made by one of those custom makers that charge more than my first pickup truck cost….but worth every penny. I picked the pistol up and somebody thought I was about to drool on it. I couldn’t help it….
I guess I have a problem.

When I teach firearms, the FIRST thing I cover is SAFETY. I found a song that’s popular on the radio that discusses firearms safety….(you have to see the lyrics to get it.)

GUN SAFETY

I don’t just shoot and teach on military and police firearms, but I love shooting almost anything. I’m still working on collecting firearms from every country I’ve been to… or was carried by soldiers from other countries whom I worked with at some point. I get some strange things…

Can you figure out what kind of revolver this is?

One of the things I loved about running Army/National Guard weapons ranges was getting to shoot stuff for free. Like the: M249 SAW MACHINE GUN

And, the Future Best shot:

Counting Backwards....364, 363, 362, 361, 360......

2011-11-22T08:25:00.000-08:00

From the Soldier side: When I was a very young Private in the US Army, many,many years ago, I learned how to count backwards. Yeah, I know most people can do this, but we had a good reason that many civilians may not understand.
When I graduated from the US Army Infantry School at Fort Polk, Louisiana in 1975, I was sent to Frankfurt, West Germany. We were actually put in an old German prison. It was dark, cold and strange. After sitting around for a day being told all kinds of stuff in briefings that I can’t recall a word of, we were told to go sit in a room and wait for our names to be called.

Since I always obeyed orders, I waited in the room and waited, and waited, and waited. Some of the other soldiers wondered off in search of bier. I did what I was told and waited, and waited, and waited. We did a lot of waiting in those days. When my name was called, I reported to the Army Clerk and gave him my ID card. He looked at me, my ID and orders and said: “so you’re a grunt and you have no assignment yet. Do you know where you’d like to be stationed?”

I looked at him in total disbelief and said: “you mean I have some kind of choice?”

The clerk told me to go look at the big map an on the wall. Wherever I saw an Army post with BLUE pins, that was where they needed grunts. I walked over and looked at the map. There were a lot of blue pins all over the place. I could have thrown a dart with my eyes closed and hit a camp that needed grunts. Then I looked way over to the east side and saw “BERLIN” with a blue pin.

I went back and told the clerk I wanted to be sent to Berlin. He set it up and I was on the train that night. Now, keep in mind, at this point of my life I was a Private E-2. That meant I had one stripe, but didn’t know nothin’.

When I got to Berlin, the Company Clerk for C-2-6 was at the train station. He asked if I was the new private, and I stood at parade rest and responded with “Yes Specialist.” He told me to relax. When I asked a few questions, he just looked at me and said: “40 days and a wake up.”

I had no idea what he was talking about. When I got to my barracks, I was greeted by some pretty scruffy looking soldiers…their hair was a little too long, the mustaches were a little too bushy, and they looked more like short haired hippies. When I asked one of them where my room was, he pointed then said: “15 days and a wake up.”

I was too confused to ask what the heck he was talking about. I slept for about 1 day, and was woken up the next day by another Specialist four who told me: “get your ass up and get your PT uniform on.” He was my new squad leader.

I was confused, I didn’t know we’d do PT every day for the rest of our lives. As I got into the platoon formation, I was not greeted with what would be normal conversation, but soldiers said things like: “I’m Joe, 76 days and a wake up.”

What I found out later that day is they were telling me how many days they had left in the US Army. You see it didn’t matter how long you had been in, but how much time you had left…kind of like getting out of prison.

When a soldier got down to 90 days of less, they were called a “Short Timer” and pretty much left alone. They would show up for formations and stuff, but they usually were not given any jobs to do unless they wanted to do them.

Fast forward to 2004, Baghdad, Iraq. The day we got to Iraq, I had made a backwards calendar. At first most of the regular Army and National Guard troops I was with didn’t understand it. But it was a way of helping the time go by. It started with 364 days…and counted backwards. When we all were down to 90 days, I announced in company formation that we were all Short Timers.

"SHORT"

OCCUPY THIS...BERLIN

2011-11-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

From the Soldier side: I usually don’t discuss politics on my blog. So, I’ll try not to. When I first heard of the “Occupy Wall Street” concept, I thought it sounded pretty good. Why not? All them greedy wall street bankers are the problem to everything that’s wrong with this country…right? (Plus the corrupt and idiot politicians)
OK, enough of that. I was in the Army of Occupation many years ago. It meant something different and it was actually an honor.

The only shoulder patch the US Army issued with a city name on it

The Occupation I’m talking about is the US Army Of Occupation- West Berlin, Germany. Charlie Company 2/6.

I liked to say that each day I could get up and look out the window and see the East German guard towers…but that’s not true, I had to walk across the hall in the barracks and look out the window from one of the other soldier’s rooms to see them. My room face the center quad area where we held our formations.

I got there when I was 18 years old and left when I was 20. I had learned how to accurately fire weapons from the 1911A1 .45 to the 81MM mortar. I could drink up to 6 liters of German bier in a night (not every night) and I had a lot of good friends with me.

Some hated being there, but I realized that I was in a place that I could someday look back and say: “That was cool.”

After being there for 6 months, each soldier was awarded the Army of Occupation Medal. It was the last medal from WWII that was still being awarded to troops. It’s odd and every time I had to stand in Class A inspection in the National Guard years later, I’d always have some younger officer ask me: “What’s that ribbon for…I’ve never seen it before.?”

I’d say proudly: “Sir. That is the US Army WWII Army of Occupation Medal.”

They’d walk along and shake their head, not knowing if I was joking or telling the truth.

Go look it up.

Should I say: "Happy Birthday Marines?"

2011-11-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

How about “Thank you Marines?”

From the Soldier side: For my friends who know me, they know one of the things about my Iraq deployment that really bothered the sh—out of me was- The US Army “forgot” to get a bunch of us ammo before we rolled from Kuwait to Iraq in late 2004. Most of us were under the impression that we were going into a fu----g war zone.

How did it happen? Well, the California Army National Guard battalion I left the states with, gave a bunch of us to a Regular Army battalion when we got to Kuwait. So, they both blamed each other for not getting us ammo.

We got to Baghdad via a C-130 and took a bus over to one of the puzzle palaces, where we called home for about a year. A few days after we got to Baghdad, my company commander came up to me after dinner and said: “CI Roller, you and your team are going to Fallujah in the morning, so get your gear ready tonight.”

I said: “Yes sir. Are we going to get the rest of our ammo load? We only have a few rounds of 5.56 (M16 ammo) and a few rounds of 9 Mil (pistol ammo) each.”

Commander dumbass said: “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of that.”

Come morning, we ate breakfast and the unit we were replacing was going to drive us up to Fallujah. Just before boarding the M1114 Humvees, the convoy commander did a PCI (Pre Combat Inspection) on all soldiers. I held up my one M16 magazine and my 5 rounds of M9 ammo. He looked at me and my team and just shook his head.

So off to war we went. I was really in a bad mood…all those years of weapons training and teaching others to shoot and the friggen company clerk who wasn’t going anywhere had more ammo than my whole team.

We got to Camp Fallujah without incident. We were going to work with the First Marine Division
Click here to find out about the best of the best

I was introduced to the Gunny we’d work with. He asked what I did back home and I told him: “I’m a cop.” He was to. We sat down and did the cop handshake, drank coffee and ate donuts. Then he asked me: “Is there anything your team needs?”
I said: “Yes. AMMO! Look at what the fu—s gave us in Kuwait.”
He had his Staff Sergeant take me over to their ammo room and told me to “Help yourself.”

Dang, we had to carry a lot of crap!

I did. I’m an ammo hog…I feel warm and fuzzy with lots of ammo. Not that in the whole year I ever go to return fire and the bastards who shot at us….but I felt if I had to, I’d return a shitstorm of lead.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINES. AND THANK YOU FIRST MAR DIV.

Safe Driving Tip- Tailgating...

2011-11-09T15:50:00.000-08:00

From the Cop side: After working as a cop for 32 years, with a few years working “traffic” I figured I should start posting some tips. Today’s tip has a video to help get the point across.

How many of you “tailgate”? I mean how many of you when you’re driving and in a hurry drive too close to the car in front of you? This can be the cause of many motor vehicle collisions….(there are not really motor vehicle accidents because almost everyone of them is caused by driver error.)

Watch this clip to see what I’m talking about…this all could have been prevented:

DO NOT TAIL GATE- IT CAN HURT

And for those who drive on the other side of the road.... Retesting bad drivers

Weapons Experts....?

2011-11-06T18:41:00.000-08:00

When you make a mistake with a gun....

From the Soldier side: I’m afraid after my last post about “our version of a real war video game”…some folks think I was joking. Many of the ideas I had listed were based on real life stuff that happened when we were in Iraq….and I’m sure others have their own true stories.

My biggest fear of getting killed in Iraq (and Bosnia for that matter) was getting shot by one of our own people…not because they wanted to shoot me, but, because they were not competent with any kind of firearm. In both Bosnia and Iraq, we had to “clear” our weapons before entering a mess hall, PX and some other buildings. That was where a lot of “empty firearms” went off. The sad part was these gross acts of negligence (or mental retardation) didn’t usually happen with some young private, but usually happened with senior NCOs and officers handling the weapons.

I got to where I would go up to the clearing barrel, clear my weapon, then turn around and watch for those coming up behind me. In one case in Bosnia, I witnessed a Blackhawk pilot pull his M9 out of his holster a good hundred meters from the clearing barrel and start pulling the slide back while it was pointed in my direction.

I just yelled: “God Damn it Sir, that’s not the way to clear your weapon!”

typical uniform of the day in Bosnia, circa 2003-04

He just gave me a funny look and walked on into the mess hall. I decided the next time somebody did that, I’d pull my M9 back out of the holster and point it at them and start racking the slide and mumble about being a postal worker.

In another case of weapons skills brilliance, I was getting onto an Army Stryker vehicle at Mosul, Iraq. The deal on boarding those vehicles was we’d “lock and load” our weapons just before boarding. I carried an M9 pistol and an M4 carbine. As I stepped into the vehicle, I saw an Army Major walk up behind me, pull out his M11 (Sig 9mm) pistol, point it at me, and try to load M9 (Beretta) magazines into the pistol. I looked at him and said: “Sir, them mags aint’ gonna’ fit into that pistol.”

The major looked at me and asked: “Can I borrow your M9 for this ride?”
I looked at him and said: “Sir you’ve already demonstrated your weapons skills to me, I’ll keep my weapons, but in the event I should get killed before you, you can borrow whatever you like.”

(you see, I could get away with talking to offices like that because I never wore my rank, unit patch or name tag, and I looked mean.)

A few days after the Mosul ride, an “unknown major” was boarding a Stryker vehicle to go for a ride, when he locked an loaded his M16, started to step into the vehicle and put his finger on the trigger, letting a burst go inside the Stryker.

Nobody was hurt, but everybody was staring at every Army Major they saw for weeks…”were you that guy?”

…and you all remember the story(s) of our really stupid Sergeant Major who decided he was going to man the “Fifty Cal” machine gun on a few convoys. He had never trained on that weapon, but what the heck, he was a Command Sergeant Major and he knew everything…right?

Nope..and to this day I suspect he still doesn’t understand that the M2 HB .50 caliber heavy machine gun does not have a safety….

So, when you go back and read my last post, I wasn't kidding about how to make a war video more real...just add some of the retarded shit some people do and alll the vets will say: "Wow, that's so real."

New War Video Game...ideas....

2011-11-01T13:31:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: One of my Army buddies had a great idea on Facebook about how to make war video games more real… some of us added on to his concept and this is some of what we came up with…
All the war videos pretty much have the players running or driving around and shooting up everything in sight. What they seem to forget is all that gear has to be prepped before the mission and there are lots of other things that go on each day in a modern war. So, our video game would have the player dealing with this:

1.) Prior to the mission, your team leader has to spend 4 or 5 hours writing up an OP ORDER .With attachments using every software program Microsoft Office has- Power Point, Excel, Word and solitaire.

2.) Your teams drivers have to do    PMCS   on the vehicles. This typically takes 2 to 4 hours depending on the age, miles and type of vehicle you are assigned.

3.) Your assistant has to check out and PMCS the    SINGARS RADIO .This includes checking the attachments like the handsets and antennas that are the same ones that have been used since before the Viet Nam war.

4.) You will personally check out the   BLUE FORCE TRACKER because as the truck commander you seem to be the only one who knows how to use it.

5.) The Lead Vehicle Gunner has to strip, clean and oil her M249 SAW   to make sure it will fire The rear vehicle gunner will do the same to his M2  FIFTY CAL   (yep, it’s the same gun your great grand pa used in WWII.

6.) After this is all done, the battalion Sergeant Major wants all soldiers to conduct an area police call because he found a scrap of paper outside his nice air conditioned office.

7.) After the police call, everybody has to have a weapons safety class because one of the office REMF officer had another negligent discharge with his M9 9 MIL  this is the third one this month, but so far nobody has been injured, however, several people have been awarded the CAB COMBAT ACTION BADGE  . due to the close calls and crapping their DCUs due to the loud noise.

8.) After all of this, you and your team have a chance to go to the camp PX . to pick up badly needed soap, deodorant, foot powder, Gatorade, chew and other items, but when you get there, the REMFs have already bought everything in stock and you leave with a DVD of the Partridge Family because that’s all they had.

After the PX, you return to the office and attempt to write reports for what your team did that day, however, the software sucks and you can’t get on line to the website where you need to enter the information…so you wait until midnight, and then it works.

Get up the next day at 0500 hours, go to the mess hall and inhale your food, run back to the office and load up your truck and wonder why even though everything was checked and ready to go last night, now the truck won’t start.

When you finally get out the gate, you drive for hours in the 130 degree heat, get shot at but never see the shooter and come back to camp and repeat the above…do this 7 days a week.

CI Roller Dude says: You can't have an adventure without some part of it sucking!

Gun Fighting Rules (yes, we do have rules for this sort of thing)

2011-10-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

From the Cop side: Since I retired from the Police Department a few months ago, I got a job teaching citizens and cops to shoot or shoot better. My old department hired me back part time (so it won't stop my pension) and I help with training there. I end up practing with firearms about 3 days a week now...life is good. With new cops who ask about packing a gun off duty...I tell them about the First Rule of a Gun Fight....here's all the rules:

CI Roller Dude in Baghdad, circa 2005, this would be a good gun to bring

1. First Rule of a Gun Fight- Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns. Bring four times the ammunition you think you could ever need.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammunition is cheap - life is expensive. If you shoot inside, buckshot is your friend. A new wall is cheap - funerals are expensive

3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.

4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly.

5. Move away from your attacker and go to cover. Distance is your friend. (Bulletproof cover and diagonal or lateral movement are preferred.)

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a semi or full-automatic long gun and a friend with a long gun.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running. Yell "Fire!" Why "Fire"? Cops will come with the Fire Department, sirens often scare off the bad guys, or at least cause then to lose concentration and will.... and who is going to summon help if you yell "Intruder," "Glock" or "Winchester?"

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

11. Stretch the rules. Always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. Have a plan.

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work. "No battle plan ever survives 10 seconds past first contact with an enemy."

14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible, but remember, sheetrock walls and the like stop nothing but your pulse when bullets tear through them.

15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

16. Don't drop your guard.

17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees. Practice reloading one-handed and off-hand shooting. That's how you live if hit in your "good" side.

18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. Smiles, frowns and other facial expressions don't (In God we trust. Everyone else keep your hands where I can see them.)

19. Decide NOW to always be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.

21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet if necessary, because they may want to kill you.

22. Be courteous to everyone, overly friendly to no one.

23. Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with anything smaller than "4". But missing with a .40 or .45 is still not as good as hits with a .22!

25. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel blows the powder from the flintlock of your musket." At a practice session, throw you gun into the mud, then make sure it still works. You can clean it later.

26. Practice shooting in the dark, with someone shouting at you, when out of breath, etc.

27. Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about killing another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature.

28. The only thing you EVER say afterwards is, "He said he was going to kill me. I believed him. I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm very upset now. I can't say anything more. Please speak with my attorney."

AND WHEN THINGS GET REALLY BAD USE ONE OF THESE: 400 ROUNDS OF 5.56 MM

Leadership....something you have to work at to be good.

2011-10-20T16:47:00.000-07:00

From the Cop and the Soldier side: Many years ago when I was a Private in the Regular Army, I never considered that someday I’d be a leader of men and women. Later, when I became a civilian cop, I again never thought of someday becoming a Sergeant.

But…it happened. In many cases, I was thrown into a leadership job because there was nobody else competent….or in some cases the supervisor was “relieved of command” and they put me in charge. I never turned down a leadership job, but I never cut somebody’s throat to get a leadership job either.

Some people have said: “he or she was born a leader.”

Can you figure out what gun this is?

Not true. You have to have some experiences in life to be a leader. A leadership school can give you some ideas and tools, but it really can’t make you a leader. Yelling and acting like an asshole may work for a short time, but sooner or later, somebody will frag you.

Here’s a short, cheap book that might help some. This book will NEVER be used in any military or police leadership schools. But it’s got some rough basic concepts.

CLICK HERE Small Team Leadership

It' s in the Kindle format, and if you don't have a Kindle, it can be down loaded on any computer or Ipad.

Hire a Vet...yeah, right....

2011-10-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

From the sort of retired Soldier and Cop side: This post will be a little different than usual. This is about searching for a job. For my regular readers you recall I retired last year with over 20 years in the California Army National Guard (I don’t get a pension from them until I hit 60). This year I retired from 32 years of police work—that I do get a good pension for. You see I have worked since I was 16...and many times I had a full time job and a part time job...to make sure my family had what they needed.

I decided that after I retired, that I could still do some things that I enjoyed and had some training for in my past jobs. (police training, Mess Kit Repair for the Army and anything to do with guns.) I was totally shocked at a few things in regards to finding a job these days. The last time I had to apply for a job, it was paper forms, now everybody wants stuff done on line. I’m good with that, but I don’t think it should be an excuse for poor manners. Recruiters working for some employers will totally bullshit you and then lie about it. (you can’t lie and bullshit a person who’s been a cop for 32 years and did “mess kit repair” on 2 deployments.)

The first thing I discovered is most civilian employers don’t even tell you how much they are going to pay for the job…and some don’t tell you up front whether or not it’s full time or part time. In many cases, I’d spend hours filling out a form online and answering questions designed for an 18 year old….like: “did you get along with your teachers in high school?’

What kind of retarded shit is that for an adult?

In several cases, I’d get called up and asked: “You sound perfect, can you come in tomorrow for an interview?” Well, sure, I guess so, but that’s kind of short notice. But I’d go….to be interviewed usually by somebody younger that my sons. Most of the time they had no idea what or how to ask questions….in a few cases I had to explain that a question they asked was illegal….like what church I went to. Then, after they said: “well, I have to have my boss interview you…” I’d asked: “by the way, how many hours a week and how much does this job pay?”

When they told me, I told them: “It’s not even worth me starting my truck to come here for 5 hours a day at that kind of pay…..I’ll just sit home and watch TV.”

One job I applied for working as a contractor for a military branch---this was with a nationally known big company that makes all kinds of cool shit and stuff. I went in for an interview one day on very short notice. As I walked in, they said: “Oh, we made a mistake, the job we want to interview you for is not that…( a job I was totally qualified for) but for this other job…(that when they explained it to me, I had no idea what they were talking about.)

The guys who were going to interview me, were not prepared but said it would only take about 30 minutes. It took over 2 hours…because neither one of them knew what they were asking…they were not prepared. We wasted their time and mine….and the assholes were not even polite enough to get back and tell me I didn’t get the job. If they had offered me the job, I would have turned it down because I couldn’t work with people that dis-organized.

Another thing is since I am a “triple Vet” I am supposed to get job preference in any government job I apply for. Now, I won’t take a job from a young vet who really needs the job, but when they totally ignore that rule and hire some person who’s never served, then what good is that rule?

The most dysfunctional place to find a job is with the US Federal Government. They have tried to combine all federal jobs at www.usajobs.com but this has so many problems, I’d need another post just to describe them.

I know jobs are hard to come by these days, but that doesn’t make it right for Human Resources and employers to be rude, lie, not post the pay and hours and in general just be assholes.

Anyway, I’m happy now working part time and 2 jobs I really enjoy. You see, it’s not so much the money as I wanted to do something I enjoy doing and work with good people….who know what the hell they are doing.

It runs in the Family.....

2011-10-15T06:57:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier Side: One of the absolute most outstanding, best, awesome guys I ever knew in my entire Army & National Guard career was a guy I served with in Iraq. He was my boss for the first 4 months and he is one of the most calm people I have ever known. I could write an entire blog about him, but this post is for his son.

His son was wounded in Afghanistan. Here’s the news video (sorry about any commercials)

Click HERE!

A HERO!!!

Great moments in Traffic Court

2011-10-10T16:53:00.000-07:00

From the Cop side: Over the 32 years of cop work (I retired, but the new chief asked me to come back part time and help with some stuff) I have been asked many times: “What was the scariest thing you did?” or “What was the most exciting thing you did?” or “how many people did you shoot?” but my favorite was “what was the dumbest person you had to deal with?”

In order: “I was scared so many time, I lost track” “I loved getting in vehicle pursuits or going after armed bad guys” “I don’t answer that question” and last “some of the traffic tickets I wrote brought out the really dumbass in some people….I mean who wants to get a ticket for shitty driving?”

Kind of like this: How to do police work clicky here

What makes some traffic tickets truly great memories is when the offender request to go to traffic court to contest the ticket. Let me make this clear, I believe it is a great right we have in this country to be able to go to court…in traffic court like any other court; the burden of proof is with the prosecution---which in most traffic cases is the police officer who wrote the ticket. I wasn’t even bothered when some of the drivers I cited stood up in court and flat out lied under oath.

One of my favorites was this overly self important dipshit who was driving a little Porsche one afternoon. In California they have a Vehicle Code section for blocking intersections during heavy traffic. You know when the light is about to change and people keep driving into the intersection when traffic is not moving---they just cause it to jam up more because they are in a hurry.

When I did traffic enforcement, I always tried to be very fair…I would think “what would the average person do in this situation?” If the average person followed the rules, then so should everybody else. I was the most generous when doing speed enforcement with radar--- and I still wrote more tickets in those days.

So, back to the guy in the Porsche. It was late in the afternoon, traffic was pretty heavy on a Friday and everybody just wanted to get home from work. (in those day s more folks were working)….and there I was sitting at a red traffic signal waiting for my turn to go through a busy intersection. If somebody blocked the intersection and it delayed the cross traffic when their signal changed for more than 20 seconds, I’d cite the offender… well that day I had 3 drivers go ahead into the intersection and block it after their light turned yellow…then the asshole in the Porsche pulled in to. The cross traffic had to wait for over 40 seconds, so I moved around cars and pulled the Porsche over.

I did the normal “safe” approach, asked for his driver’s license, and stuff. He responded with: “why do you need that?” I don’t like to argue, so I just said: “once you provide your license etc, I’ll explain the minor infraction I pulled you over for.”

Nope…he wanted to know why I pulled him over before he’d provide me with what I asked for. I told him it didn’t work that way, and if you would please hand me his license etc. The little turd had to argue with everything I said…but I didn’t engage.

I finally got his stuff, explained that he had blocked the intersection for cross traffic for over 40 seconds..and of course he asked: “Don’t you have anything better to do?” (no we had just chased a truck full of burglars an hour before and arrested them at gun point, so we were just relaxing)

Once I had the dumbass’s license and stuff, I went back to my patrol car and wrote the ticket…when I returned to dumbass, he was indignant that I wrote him a ticket. He told me: “I’m not signing that ticket.”

Which I explained was his right, but I would have to call my supervisor over and “she” would explain the same thing I was going to explain about him having to spend the weekend in jail etc. When dumbass heard the supervisor was a “she”, he said: “the supervisor is a woman?” He didn’t seem to like that at all.

He finally signed he ticket…and of course told me he’d take me to court…which he did. He even brought an attorney! (for a $75 ticket)

When I was called up in traffic court, I explained the entire incident in great detail….I looked at my notes a few times. All the attorney could say was: “Officer, I see you looked at your notes, but do you have any recollection of this case without looking at your notes?”
I said: “Why yes I do.”

Attorney: “Officer, how many tickets do your right each month?”

Me: “Oh anywhere from 20 to 40 depending on how much real police work we have to do.”

Attorney: “well, if you write that many, and it’s been a few months since you wrote my client, how do you recall this incident so well?”

Me (looking at the traffic judge): “your honor, should I answer that?” Judge dude: “Yes.”

Me: “Because your client was so obnoxious.”

All the cops, deputies and highway patrol sitting in the back of the court room were laughing their asses off. it was a good day in traffic court.

One time at….(Sung to the tune of “One time at Band Camp”)

2011-10-04T20:13:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: One thing I have found that has been consistent throughout military history has been many troops have a good sense of humor. In many cases, this is an essential quality to survive. Many of these “funny times” in war may only be funny for those who were there at that time. Years later when you try to explain it to somebody, it just ain’t so funny.

But, if you run across an old buddy you’d de-ployed with, and remind them of that funny moment, you’ll start laugh so hard, people will call the police.

One of the “you had to be there funny things” we did was use the line from the movie “American Pie” this one time at band camp… we changed it to this one time in Bosnia and later, this one time in Iraq.

Click here to see what the hell I’m talking about: This one time at band camp...

I often used humor in both my police and Army duties over the years---right when the shit was about to hit the fan…or, at least we thought it might.

This one time in Fallujah, Iraq, my team and I were about to go out with the Marines we were attached to. This was at the end of 2004, so there was still some stuff going on, but it was pretty safe…sort of. We got up early that morning to make sure our gear and weapons were ready. I looked at my guys and could see that they were pretty worried…(they had forgotten to breath). I had to think of something to get them calmed down, or we’d never make it out.

One of my guys was going to drive the M1114 Turbo Charged 12,500 pound Up Armored Humvee, one was going to be on the gun, an M-249, and the fourth was the “terp.” I got them gathered and said: “we need to get to the mess hall and make sure we eat. I want everybody to have a full breakfast, eggs, bacon, ham, oatmeal, coffee, milk, juice, toast, apples, etc.”

They looked at me in disbelief….and I added: “WE can’t shit our pants in fear on an empty stomach!”

Then there was this one time in Bosnia….we ran out cappuccino in the mess hall. That was rough.

Teaching courage...part II

2011-09-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

From the Cop and Solider side: Getting back on the topic of “how do you teach courage?” I looked back through some of my old US Army and civilian police training books and was unable to find any chapters on this topic. So, I guess it’s impossible to teach…..

Or, is it something picked up through good training?

You have to be a Hero to have an Army Camp named after you....

When I was in Bosnia (SFOR 14, 2003-04) I was talking to a former Serb Army commander…who was referred to as a hero. He was even in a book (damn it, I can’t recall his name to give you a link, but he impressed me---it was one of those “Sandwich” names.) When I asked him about being a hero, he just said a “hero is somebody who does something that MUST be done when nobody else is able or willing to do it.” As he explained further, a real hero doesn’t go look to be one…. It just happens.

Several years ago, in my cop job, I had my old boss have a “chat” we me about an officer the department had in the police academy. I’ll cal that officer “rookie #1”. That officer failed the first time going through the driving course. The chief put that officer through a second time (to this day I can only guess because that officer was a child of the chief’s friend.)

Because Rookie #1 failed on the driving course, Rookie #2, who was in a later class, was stressing out about the driving course. The chief told me to get Rookie #2 straightened out. So, you’d think I took rookie #2 out to drive…..nope, I just had a little talk. “Why are you afraid of a car? You drive one every day, and they are PAYING YOU TO DRIVE FAST AND HAVE FUN!”

Rookie #2 did fine…just a matter of taking the fear away. And that was easy. After Iraq, I’d look at every day in police work and say: “Hell, that was easy, nobody was shooting at us.”

I’ve seen a lot of cops and soldiers who were heroes and never got notice, and others who would do everything they could to avoid a fight. As it turned out, after rookie #1 above graduated from the academy, made it through the Field Training Program and was on their own, it was discovered that this new officer was very afraid. That department had just installed GPS real time trackers in all the patrol cars…so the dispatcher could see where the officers were…or the supervisor. It was discovered that rookie #1 was being sent to hot calls, but not going to them directly, but waiting until all the other cops showed up, then rolling in. In other words, rookie #1 was afraid. Not good for a cop (unless you want to be an administrator some office puke)

So, even though the chief did everything he could for rookie #1, it was bye bye… There’s a reason the police academy washes some people out. If you lower the standards, you get shit for cops.

Kermit did good...but had too many beers

WHISKY FOR MY MEN....

Stolen Valor--- Fake Vets should be kicked in the ......

2011-09-26T16:10:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side (and some cop stuff): If you’ve been following the great public service they’re doing over at This Ain't Hell

you've seen the best version of game elimination…this is better than any TV Game show…because they’re busting fake military vets. And take a look at Stolen Valor

When I was talking to somebody about this, they said: “well, they’re not hurting anybody are they?”

Yes they are. (and they really piss me off) The fake vets are hurting the memory of those who have given their lives for the defense of our country. They also tell such huge lies most of the time, that they confuse honest people. After having been a cop in California for 32 years, I have run into a boatload of fake vets. One was such an asshole, he had a VA hospital card in his wallet. This card would allow him free medical care at the VA Hospitals and clinics. However, when I hauled his ass down to the county mental health unit, I asked him what service he was in.

He said he was in the Army…so of course as most who fake being Army Vets, he said he was a Ranger and suffers PTSD from Granada. Well, being that I was Army to, I asked him what his MOS (Military Occupation Specialty)…and he told me he was: “0311”.

I asked him to clarify that he had been a Ranger, and he said yeah. Then I challenged him and said that the MOS 0311 is for the USMC- Riflemen. The US Army grunts are 11-B- or 11-C (I was an 11-C many years ago.) He then said: “I lied, I was never in the Army. I took his VA medical card away from him and mailed it to the VA with a letter suggesting that they ask for a person’s DD -214 before giving out help. I had to wait a friggen’ year after getting home from Iraq before they could even tell me how to go to the VA, and this crazy asshole homeless person was getting help.

I’ve met several cops who either totally lied about their military service, or made it sound more important than it was. I know one who retired as a police sergeant a few years ago. When I first met him about 25 years ago, he told me he had been in the USAF and was only stationed in the States during Viet Nam. Later, he’d start wearing Viet Nam service medals on his off duty jacket, and had the ribbon on the back of his truck. Now, everybody thinks he’s a Nam vet. What’s wrong with that? He’s a total nut job and gives Nam vets a bad name.

Many, many years ago, I was working graveyard for the Police Dept…. one of the towns nearby had a nut job who lived in their town and would pull knives on his family etc. He told the cops he had been a US Army Ranger in Viet Nam etc. They asked me about what type of training he might have gotten so they could better know how to deal with him if it came to something. I asked how old the guy was….he was 5 years younger than I was…so after doing some really simple math (cops can’t do math very well) I explained that it would have been impossible for this guy to have been to Viet Nam unless he went when he was about 10 years old. I also told them to ask him the next time what his MOS was and if they could see his DD-214. Turned out he had never even been In the Army. (they ended up shooting this nut job later---and I’m pretty sure if he’d really been a Ranger, he would have taken a few of them out.)

Fake Vets often get all kinds of free money and stuff that’s designed for real vets. They can take jobs form real vets, they can act like idiots and give all vets a bad name. So the next time you find a person faking being a vet, kick him in the balls….if he has any.

Fake Vets can photo shop themselves into real action photos...

What kind of Friends?

2011-09-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: In my 2nd posting about teaching Courage, one of the main teaching points I use is being able to make jokes and laugh when bad things are about to happen...even better, in the middle of bad things happening.
Another teaching point is Military Friends (or Cop Friends)......

Military vs. Civilian Friends

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you don’t get caught.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”

MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents’ mom and dad.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Know some wild stuff will happen, and set up rally points and an E & E route.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we f**ked up...but hey, that was fun!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Steal each others stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.

CIVILAIN FRIENDS: Will listen to your relationship problems and hope it works out for you. MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to you over a long hard road march, and will help you straighten it out better than Dr. Phil.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Might try to hit on your girl behind your back.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Have spooned with you in the field more than your girl has, and would never even think about doing that.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to work free drinks all night.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.

MILITARY FRIENDS: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you."

MILITARY FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this because they don’t really get it.... MILITARY FRIENDS: Will steal this, repost this, and then hope you forgot that it was your idea.

(Actully, this all had nothing to do with Courage, but I just saw this on an old Army buddies post, so I had to steal it...He'll forget soon and think it was my idea.)

...this here video shows one of the best days in the Army.. A Great Day at the Range- Camp Bob

Class on Courage....

2011-09-21T12:30:00.000-07:00

How do you teach Courage?

You had to be brave here!

From the Soldier and Cop side: Over the years I served as both a Soldier and a civilian Cop, I often wondered in many situations if I’d be brave enough for whatever came up. What would scare me so bad that I couldn’t do my job. (besides women)

Last week I went to an instructor course that certified me to teach at the basic police academies in California. It was a very good course and something I wish I could have taken 20 years ago. However, out of all the tips and methods of teaching we learned, and all the other classes I’ve taken or given…none of them taught us how to be brave or have the courage it would take to do our jobs in a bad situation. (funny though here, I've been teached advanced officer training for almost 30 years, but to teach at the academy, I had to have special certificaiton)

Then there was 20+ years of the Regular Army and the Army National Guard. Same problem….how do you train somebody to be brave?

I never got that class.

I’ve seen examples in both police work and the Army where I was surrounded with really brave people who never stopped when they had to do something that put their own lives at risk…. From going into a building with armed bad guys in California to going into the streets of Baghdad with armed bad guys…..there was, or is a common thing here.

Were any of these women or men afraid? You bet your ass they were, I know I was often.... and later, after we survived the incidents I’d start shaking. Sometimes I’d think: “wow, what a rush!” Other times I’d think: “damn that was a dumb thing to do.” And there were seldom medals given out afterwards, but I went home, or back to the hootch each day and was glad I did something to help.

But, there were other times when I was around a coward. They always had some kind of lame excuse, but I would always tell them what I thought of them.

Click here for: Example of Courage

I know, the public thinks all cops and fire fighters are brave people who’d do anything to save the cat in the tree…but, sorry but it ain’t so. It’s not the “new breed” either….I’ve seen it for years. Like about 15 years ago when I was sent to assist another small local police department who only had 2 officers on duty…one was in a foot pursuit. Why the cop didn’t just follow the bad guy in his car I’ll never know, but some cops never figure that out…if the bad guy wants to run away, CHASE HIM IN YOUR PATROL CAR!

So, the bad guy runs to a closed business with a large parking lot in the back that’s closed in by a tall fence. The bad guy runs up to the gate and goes over the top. The copper chasing him goes over after the bad guy…(I’d have waited and set up a perimeter) then his back up from his own department stops at the fence and tells me: “I’ll get my uniform dirty if I climb over that…”

I pushed the coward out of the way and said: “you chickenshitmotherfu….er” and climbed over. We caught the bad guy and he went to jail. Needless to say, the cop who did the chasing had no respect for his cover officer…who had done things like that many times. He was usually the last cop to show up when there was any kind of violence of fighting going on.
I know some of the cop and military readers will be saying: "yeah, that reminds me of ...."

More stories to follow…. And I’ll throw in the with acts of courage that amazed me.

How the US Army designs things

2011-09-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: This last week I was in a class to train cops to train cops. During the class, a nice person who had never been in the military asked me how the US Army came up with ideas to make new equipment.

Well, if you look back throughout the history of the US Army, the ideas usually came from Generals. Generals are the old guys who have lots of experience on how to fight past wars, but often have no idea what will be needed next week.

Instead of me trying to explain, look at this video: Hey, I got an idea!

A Moment of Silence for those who died on September 11, 2001

2011-09-11T17:30:00.000-07:00

From the Cop and Soldier side:

9/11/01: I was off duty that day from my Civilian Police job. I was doing my morning workout when the phone rang. “Hey! Turn on the TV NOW! Any channel.”

I hung up the phone and hit the TV remote “On” button and began watching the first Tower as it was burning. I thought that was weird to have a fire that large in one of the towers. A minute later, a passenger jet crashed into the 2^nd Tower. I knew that was no accident…it was a terrorist asshole attack.

I was a full time copper and in the California Army National Guard. I had just changed military units and was in a two year program changing my MOS (Military Occupation Specialty- or Job) to MKR, Mess Kit Repair. Since I was only a weekend warrior, I had the option when I changed my MOS of either going through the straight 18 week school at Ft Huachuca, AZ; or going to class one weekend a month and going to Ft H two 2 week sessions. I had a full time job, so I took the extended course.

For the job I had just gotten into, I KNEW I’d be going somewhere after I saw that second plane hit.

A few days after Nine Eleven, I went to work. I worked in a very small town that people in the rest of the world have never heard of. So, when I was driving my patrol car around punching holes in the air, I couldn’t understand some of the calls Dispatch sent us to in those days.

Dispatch: “L3 can you contact the RP (reporting party) at 123 Nut Tree Lane, she sees a small airplane flying over her house and thinks it might be another attack.”

L3 (me) looking up in the sky (remember I said “small town”) and seeing a Piper Cub or some such little plane flying way the hell up in the air. “Dispatch, I can see a plane. I appears to be flying over the town.”

Dispatch: “L3 can you see the tail number, I’ll call the FAA”

L3(Me) scratching my head and wonder where we got some dumbass dispatchers that would just feed into some of the insanity the callers had . “Dispatch, L3, the plane is too high and I think it’s just passing over. “

We never did get the tail number, but…keep in mind…this long enough after Nine Eleven that planes were allowed to fly again…but I worked in a silly town that was full of nuts. Why anybody thought terrorist would take a plane and crash it into any place in our town was the kind of things only nuts could think of.

Little did I know where I’d end up going later on with my National Guard unit…. Fun places like Bosnia and Iraq.

And…I’d do it again if I was needed. I was actually kind of glad to get away from the little police dept for a couple of years…. "Whiskey for my men and beer for my horses..."

I’ll be busy this next week. I’m going to the police academy to take a class so I can teach there.

One ARMY, One Fight....why I stayed in....

2011-09-09T09:43:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: Some people have asked me how I managed to put up with staying in the US Army and the California Army National Guard for so long….good question. First, let me make it very clear that regardless (I wanted to used er-regardless, but people tell me that’s not a real word) of what the “Big Army” says, the Regular US Army, the US Army Reserves and the National Guard are distinctly different organizations. When we were in Iraq, the Army’s mantra was: “One Army, One Fight.”

I asked: “then how come the National Guard get's treated like the Bastard Child? When we get activated, even though we went to Active Army Post to train, we got stuck in the abandoned WWII barracks and fed sub standard food or the warehouse in Ft Polk. When we got to Kuwait, the even forgot to give us Ammo!”

Then I think back to when I was in the Regular Army. ( a very long time ago) I went through AIT (Advanced Individual Training) at Ft Polk, LA--- for Infantry mortars- MOS 11C 10. We had a bunch of National Guard folks in our platoon. We thought they were retarded. They screwed up everything they did and made the rest of the platoon look bad. Looking back, I realized THAT was the image the regular Army had of all National Guard troops. And in many cases, they were right. We did have some retards. But on the other hand, we had a lot of troops with a lot of worldly experiences that the Regular Army troops lacked.

Ft Polk Warehouse--- housed 185 troops

One example...when we were in Kuwait, we had to do convoy training. The Regular Army unit a bunch of us California Guard pukes got attached to had NEVER been on any kind of convoy. So, as we got ready for that day’s training, the commander asked some of us senior Guard sergeants if we’d ever been on any kind of convoy. A few of us had….. you see, that’s how we usually got from our home armory to the training area every summer for “camp.” I had also done many from West Berlin, Germany- through East Germany down to West Germany--- through Check Point Alpha and Bravo. (Check Point Charlie went from East to West Berlin).

Opps....sideways...oh heck...Berlin in 1975

When we finally got to Iraq, again the Regular Army unit we were attached to had nobody with any kind of real experience doing what we were going to do---so they formed the teams that went out and traveled with National Guard pukes. ( a bunch of us had just been to Bosnia) Later they added Army Reserves…but I don’t recall a single Active Duty Army Soldier on the teams in the first few months...they had them pulling security for us, but none were on our teams. Later in the deployment they got some really good and expereinced Reg Army folks on some of the teams...

Now, please don’t get me wrong….ALL OF OUR TROOPs were great people. Some of them, Active, Guard and Reserve, were some of the smartest people I have ever seen in my life. And 99% of them were braver than most cops I know. What it took to go out into Baghdad every day in M1114 Humvees was beyond brave. At one point, the team I had was made up of Active Army (Afgan Vet) a Reserve and some Guard Soldiers. I asked the Active duty guy if it bothered him that a Guard Soldier was in charge of him and he said: "Sarge, I'd rather have you than anybody else here!" That made my day.

And the funny thing was--- many of the younger soldiers, Regular Army, Reserves, and Guard HAD ENLISTED AFTER NINE ELEVEN…. Knowing that they might do to someplace bad.

But going back to the original question: Why did I stay in so long…and put in for retirement?

Because of all the funny shit that happened…

If anybody fell asleep during training, I'd get them with the Rubber Chicken...they got me one day

Because not every Soldier did good, they had to come up with new awards

How the USMC sees the US Army

How did 9/11 change your life?

2011-09-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier and cop side: September 11th 2001 changed both my police career and my military one.

I read the local news paper this morning….asked a few locals where they were on 9/11. To tell you the truth, I really couldn’t read everybody’s story because…since I live in a small town, the local paper puts out pretty boring stuff… I thought it over and thought a better question and more interesting story might have been: “How did 9/11 change your life?”

Please leave your comments…I’ll post about this in a few days. -CI Roller Dude

To help you understand cops..

2011-09-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

From the Cop side: Many "normal folks" (civilians) may not fully underestand that there are different kinds of cops. This depends on the size of the department, but I think this is true across the US:

Narcotics -Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
-Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
-Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
-Make every case involve overtime $$$.
-Buy bunches of boats, RV's, and motorcycles with that overtime.
-Learn to play golf drunk.

SWAT
-Wear team T-shirts, Oakley sunglasses and boots everyday.
-Try to fit the word breach in to every conversation.
-Have a mirror handy to check hair, if you have hair.
-Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just practice your SWAT head nod.
-Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and Fitness.
-Learn to play golf wearing a gun.

Community Service units -Hate SWAT
-Work to make everybody love you.
-Paint your office in pastel colors.
-Think Feng Shui.
-Subscribe to Psychology Today.
-Learn to play miniature golf.

Traffic units
-Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
-Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing boots.
-Annoy everyone on the radio calling out your stops.
-Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day.
-Ride by a building with big windows to see your reflection.
-Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool.

K-9 Units -Become sadistic
-Show pictures of your latest dog bite
-Brag about your largest drug find
-Smell like a dog
-Workout 3 times a day
-Show off your bruises

Range masters

Still owns every gun ever issued in the dept
- Started bugging chief in 1979 to allow officers to carry semi auto on duty
- "suggested" in the 1990's that they put AR 15s in the patrol car
- Laughs when he sees admin or detectives carrying a useless .38 snub nose because they think it's cool. (read # 2 above asshole)
- Can't understand why any officer would not want to go to the range - where you get free ammo and get paid to shoot.
- Has a holster and a pistol that will match any outfit he has to wear—but usually wears 511 pants or his old Army pants to the range.

Administrative Units -Three-hour lunches everyday, tell everybody it's a "meeting".
-Upgrade department cell phone every month.
-Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
-Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
-Golf Rules! Play lots of golf.

Patrol Units -Has nerves of steel.
-In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
-Inability to keep mouth shut.
-Has defining tastes in alcohol.
-Is respected by peers.
-Beats the crap out of his caddy on any bogeyed shot

FTO (Field Training Officer) -Automatically grasps the door handle until knuckles turn white when car is put in gear
-Considers a multiple-victim homicide in progress a “good training opportunity” and asks to take primary
-Considers less than three hours of OT to be a quiet day

Investigators -Come in at 0800
-"Breakfast" from 0815 to 1030
-Work from 1030 to Noon
-Noon to 1400 Work out and Lunch
-1400-1700 Sit in CID and talk about how many girlfriends you have and how the wife doesn't know. Plan your next RV, fishing, motorcycle trip.

Patrol Sergeant
-Remembers very well "how we used to do do it."
-Always willing to tell his officers the above.
-Tries to fit the word "liability" in to every sentence.
-Talks about "what he's hearing from upstairs."

Trainee -Unable to grow facial hair.
-Watches every episode of Cops.
-Worships the ground the SWAT guys walk on.
-Arrives for work three hours early.
-Thinks the sergeant is thrilled to see him.
-Won't drink on the golf course because it violates the open container ordinance.

Feds - Shave head, and grow goatee (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you are clean shaven, with short almost military style haircut).
- Wear 5.11 pants, and polo with agency logo (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you always have a shirt and pants to which a jacket and tie can be quickly added for when the boss might be around).
- Arrive at work at 8AM, spend one hour answering useless emails, and 30 minutes checking your retirement investments. Then go with another agent to Starbucks "to discuss your a new case."
- After participating in your first warrant service (as outside cover) make plans to join the agency SRT, SWAT, etc., to "properly utilize your superior tactical skills."
- After doing your first buy bust, immediately begin asking the boss about "long term undercover" jobs.
- Refuse to play golf with "the locals."

New Corrections Officers
- Show up for work 15 minutes early
- Buy only the best ink pens (Pilot G-2)
- Wear T-Shirts of your "dream department" under your uniform
- Wear a full duty belt of gear even though you have to remove everything when you arrive at the facility
- Become friends with every local police officer

Court Security
-Say you don’t want to work patrol anyway, but monitor dispatch channel while in courtroom
-Have Jail and courthouse cafeteria menus memorized
-Have seriously thought of entering law school after sitting through three jury trials
-Consider the Public Defenders’ Christmas party the high point of the year

Defensive Tactics Instructors -Starts stretching before making arrest
-Can spend hours debating the advantages of ASP vs. straight stick
-Has spent more than $50 on a wood baton
-Giggles when a suspect starts to resist

Deployment Prep...

2011-09-02T09:19:00.001-07:00

From the Soldier side: I think I posted some of this in the past. This might be helpful for anybody getting ready to deploy. We used this before Iraq.

How to Prepare for a Deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan

1. Sleep on a cot in the garage.

2. Replace the garage door with a curtain.

3. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife or girlfriend whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, "Sorry, wrong cot."

4. Renovate your bathroom. Hang a green plastic sheet down from the middle of your bathtub and move the showerhead down to chest level. Keep four inches of soapy cold water on the floor. Stop cleaning the toilet and pee everywhere but in the toilet itself. Leave two to three sheets of toilet paper. Or for best effect, remove it altogether. For a more realistic deployed bathroom experience, stop using your bathroom and use a neighbor's. Choose a neighbor who lives at least a quarter mile away.

5. When you take showers, wear flip-flops and keep the lights off.

6. Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and dump dirt on your head.

7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it on "HIGH" for that tactical generator smell.

8. Don't watch TV except for movies in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.

9. Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day for proper noise level.

10. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

11. Once a week, blow compressed air up through your chimney making sure the wind carries the soot across and on to your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he curses you.

12. Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub. Burn all your trash up wind and make sure you only burn it when the wind will blow back to where you live.

13. Wake up every night at midnight and have an MRE peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a saltine cracker.

14. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator. Then serve some kind of meat in an unidentifiable sauce poured over noodles. Do this for every meal.

15. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get to the shower as fast as you can. Simulate there is no hot water by running out into your yard and breaking out the garden hose.

16. Once a month, take every major appliance completely apart and put it back together again. Turn off the heater/ AC and “change the oil” right when it’s the hottest or coldest time of the day- depending on the time of year.

17. One day use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for five or six hours before drinking. The next day, use one scoop.

18. Invite at least 185 people you don't really like because of their strange hygiene habits to come and visit for a couple of months. Exchange clothes with them.

19. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back doors so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time you pass through one of them.

21. Keep a roll of toilet paper on your night stand and bring it to the bathroom with you. And bring your gun and a flashlight.

22. Go to the bathroom when you just have to pass gas, "just in case." Every time.

23. Announce to your family that they have mail, have them report to you as you stand outside your open garage door after supper and then say, "Sorry, it's for the other Smith."

24. Wash only 15 items of laundry per week. Roll up the semi-wet clean clothes in a ball. Place them in a cloth sack in the corner of the garage where the cat pees. After a week, unroll them and without ironing or removing the mildew, proudly wear them to professional meetings and family gatherings. Pretend you don't know what you look or smell like. Enthusiastically repeat the process for another week.

25. Go to the worst crime-infested place you can find, go heavily armed, wearing a flak jacket and a Kevlar helmet. Set up shop in a tent in a vacant lot. Announce to the residents that you are there to help them.

26. Eat a single M&M every Sunday and convince yourself it's for Malaria.

27. Demand each family member be limited to 10 minutes per week for a morale phone call. Enforce this with your teenage daughter. When you e-mail family and friends, stand in line for 30 minutes, do all your e-mail in 10 minutes, and unplug the connection before you’re done sending out your e-mails. Break one or two keys off the keyboard.

28. Shoot a few bullet holes in the walls of your home for proper ambiance.

29. Sandbag the floor of your car to protect from mine blasts and fragmentation.

30. While traveling down roads in your car, stop at each overpass and culvert and inspect them for remotely detonated explosives before proceeding.

31. Fire off 50 cherry bombs simultaneously in your driveway at 3:00 a.m. When startled neighbors appear, tell them all is well, you are just registering mortars. Tell them plastic will make an acceptable substitute for their shattered windows.

32. Drink your milk and sodas warm. Never drink alcoholic beverages, but have a family member mail you a bottle of Listerine filled with vodka.

33. Spread gravel throughout your house and yard.

34. Make your children clear their Super Soakers in a clearing barrel you placed outside the front door before they come in.

35. Make your family dig a survivability position with overhead cover in the backyard. Complain that the 4x4s are not 8 inches on center and make them rebuild it.

36. Continuously ask your spouse to allow you to go buy an M-Gator.

37. When your 5-year-old asks for a stick of gum, have him find the exact stick and flavor he wants on the Internet and print out the web page. Type up a Form 9 and staple the web page to the back. Submit the paperwork to your spouse for processing. After two weeks, give your son the gum.

38. Announce to your family that the dog is a vector for disease and shoot it. Throw the dog in a burn pit you dug in your neighbor's back yard.

39. Wait for the coldest/ hottest day of the year and announce to your family that there will be no heat/air conditioning that day so you can perform much needed maintenance on the heater/ air conditioner. Tell them you are doing this so they won't get cold/ hot.

40. Just when you think you're ready to resume a normal life, order yourself to repeat this process for another six months to simulate the next deployment you've been ordered to support.

Floods and stuff....

2011-08-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

One of the few good things in SF, the Golden Gate

From the Soldier side: Again our country has been hit by a form of terrorism on the East Coast..…this time it was something predicted and something there was knowledge of…a Hurricane!

If you check out all the damage since Sep 11^th 2001 that has happened in the US, you’ll see most of it was caused by “natural” or “manmade” disasters. Earthquakes, floods, fires, natural gas fires, other chemical leaks etc. In none of these incidents did some terrorist cause any damage.

Some of the things I’ve seen and heard in the network news that took place in the East of the US, it appears that some government agencies were very well prepared for the hurricane and flooding. However, others chose to not take any action and then go into the worst mode of disaster preparation- panic. “Call the National Guard! Call FEMA--- save us!”

I know a major disaster can be difficult to prepare for and then work through after it hits… I’ve been to a few rodeos and saw how many leaders had to learn things the hard way—while some others did very well and we felt good with them leading us. Then when I had to lead and decide when or when not to put troops into danger--- for what? I would look at what we were asked to do and see if it was really needed, or if somebody just thought the National Guard could do anything…with nothing.

The vintage 5 Ton Dump Truck

If you just take one disaster- flooding. Flooding can happen in almost anywhere in the world. Even places where it may not get much water it can flood. To plan for floods you should see where the water has gone in the past floods and plan on the worst case.

One of the floods I went to with the California Army National Guard in the 1990’s was in the Russian River area of California. We responded with our B.A.A.Ts’ (Big Ass Army Trucks) a few days BEFORE we knew it was going to flood. We took the team leaders out and drove around with the locals and they showed us what roads would flood and which we could drive out on to evacuate those whom we knew would ignore the evacuation orders. There are always a few who either don’t think the rules apply to them or that it won’t really be that bad. These knuckleheads end up putting the emergency responders at risk when the call and say: “come and save me, this shit is worse than I thought.” I think I’ve written about this in the past, so I won’t go on.

Another very important part of emergency workers and “volunteers” who respond to an emergency—the MUST be properly trained and guided by those with some experience or at least a lot of common senses. Without one or both of those qualities, failure becomes a big option.

Several years ago, after I had just been home from Iraq for about a month, I went back to work at my old Police Department. We had a lot of very good officers in that department. We did not have a lot of good top leaders though. And what always scared the shit out of us is when one or more of those top leaders showed up on the ground at a critical incident. They would tend to try and fu—things up with lack of common sense. One of them had been in law enforcement for over 25 years, so he should have had experiences to help, but whatever he had learned in the past was wasted. (God I’m glad I’m retired so I can talk about this stuff now.)

On the morning of a big flood, I was one of the few cops who made it to work and actually had a loaded pistol with me. Our locker room was under a few feet of water along with all of our personnel gear and duty guns. I had an off duty (.380 auto and spare magazines) with me at home, so I brought that. If we had an armed encounter, there were only a few of us with a gun. Turned out we were lucky and never needed to use guns, but we had enough other stupid shit going on.

Our entire down town was a raging river. As we were standing on high ground and watching I told the Chief: “did you see what floated by?”

The Chief looked at me and said: “No, what?”

Me: “Our next raise.”

A few minutes later, one of the other big bosses came over to me and said I needed to walk across the river which had been our main street down town and get to an apartment where an elderly lady was waiting to be rescued.

Now, here’s the difference between me and one or two of my former bosses…I had common sense. The water was 3 to 4 feet deep and moving at over 10 MPH…a lot of force. There was no way I was going to walk across that river and drown myself…so I walked over, 20 feet away to where the “Swift Water Rescue” guys were staged with their cute little wet suits and boat. I explained the problem and they told me that the water was moving too fast. I told them to change their names to “Slow Water Rescue” and be honest.

That boss had heard the conversation and then actually said one of the few smart things I ever heard come out of his mouth: “Maybe we should wait for the water to go down.”

No shit.

Then yesterday, as I watched the news on the flooding from Hurricane “I” on the east coast….I saw some brilliant New Jersey Army National Guard troops destroy 2 LMTV trucks. I’m sure somebody will get an ass chewing over that…we learned long ago to NEVER drive big trucks through water deeper than the running boards or moving faster than about 3MPH. I once drove a 28,000 pound Army 5 ton dump truck into moving water. It was below the running boards…but moving so fast it started to move my truck sideways. I drove out at a nice slow steady speed before I went any deeper. If a little flood water can move 28,000 pounds, just think what it can do to a small car or a person.

Watch some dumbass stuff here: These guys give the Guard a bad name

Note: I’ve been told a few times that I’m “too negative”. Well, I suppose that’s right. How could I not be. However, I try to just report the story as I saw it, and let others judge: “was that person a dumbass or not?”

R.I.P. Crown Vic'

2011-08-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

From the Cop side: I just heard the sad news the other day. It was very sad news. Yeah, I know if you work in police work as long as I did you are going to hear a lot of bad news. But to fully understand the magnitude of this loss you have to go back in time and see why I feel this way. The loss I’m talking about is that Ford Motor Company has announced that they are going to stop make the Crown Victoria Police car.

Yeah, I know they’ve said that a few times in the past, but I think they mean it this time. And now you ask why would the CI Roller Dude be so upset over the loss of a car from the production lines in Detroit?

Well, like I said, you have to go back in time and see some of the crap we had to drive as police cars. When I started in 1979, the department I worked for had a small fleet of cars, so we used most of them 24 hours a day. We had for the most part Chrysler products with large V8 engines. These old cars still used carburetors and Chrysler over came the lack of power by making the engines really big. I mean big ass engines compared to what we use today. 440 Cubic Inches!

Circ 1980s Dodge Diplomat POS

Then Detroit was forced to install lots of smog controls in the California cars and made the engines much smaller to save fuel. So what the cops ended up with was a piece of shit for a patrol car. The only way we won in pursuits was by good driving and the bad guy crashing. Some of those shit cars had a top speed of 85 Miles Per Hour!

As the 1980’s moved along, the Chrysler patrol cars got worse and worse. I remember getting on the highway going Code 3 to an emergency with my foot glued to the floor--- and getting passed by a transit bus. Old VW beetles could out run our cars then.

Then, in the early 1990’s Ford came up with a better patrol car. Yeah, at first they still were not that great, but they were comfortable.

Circa 1991 Ford Crown Vic

Then they got better and better. I loved them. They could go fast and handle well and they were comfortable enough to ride in for a 12 hour shift…and carry all the crap we needed in the trunk. Fire extinguisher, first aid kits, flares, computer, body armor, entry tools and devices, spare paperwork, lunch, and whatever else you needed.

Now, they are going to retire the Crown Vic. Ford says it’s going to make the Taurus car into a cop car. Well, good luck.

Are you prepared?

2011-08-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

From the Cop side: One of the “other assigned duties I had as a Police Sergeant over the years was I was in charge of disaster planning/training and preparation. I guess since I had a bit of experience in real disasters, it was a good job for me to have. I had responded to multiple State Active Duty Missions with the Calif Army National Guard...floods, fires, earthquake and riot...

With the recent big earthquake they had on the east cost of the US, it’s kind of a reminder to make sure you are prepared. In the past, most people in the US had specific things that they would prepare for…and the east coast did not have earthquakes on that list of things to be ready for. As a rule of preparation, you should be prepared to survive on your own for at least 3 days. This means you have some type of shelter, food, water etc to survive.

When I was a kid, we lived in the middle of tornado country. As a kid, I thought it was really cool when we saw tornados….I didn’t know what kind of damage they could do. I also lived on the east cost a few years and remember getting ready for hurricanes. And having lived in California all my adult life, I knew to be ready for the “Four Seasons”- Floods, Fires, Earthquakes and Riots.

However, there is one disaster….that everybody around the world should be prepared for…and that is when the Zombies attack. The first things you need is sturdy shelter and a large caliber weapon with lots of ammo.

An old example of when Zombies attack:

What Zombies can do

If you are prepared for Zombies, you are prepared for anything.

The "WALL"

2011-08-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: When I joined the US Army in 19--- I didn’t get the job (MOS) I had asked for…but I guess it turned out OK anyway. It was at the end of the Viet Nam war and it seemed the US Army was really short of grunts in most of it camps in Germany. I went through AIT (Advanced Idiot Training) at swampy Fort Polk Louisiana and became an 11 C 10- Indirect Fire Crewman..or in plain language- Infantry Mortars. A grunt who could both readn and write.

Not only did I fail to actually get the job I thought really wanted in writing, but I failed to get a duty location in writing…so Uncle Sam sent my ass to Frankfurt, Germany. For a few days in transit, we stayed in a former German prison….it looked like a former prison.

Those of us who failed to get a written guarantee for a duty assignment were herded into a big room and told: “most of you are grunts…so look in the map of Germany and where you see Blue Pins is where they need grunts. Pick a place and we’ll try to get you there.”

CI Roller Dude was in C-2-6 weapons platoon

I looked at the map and it was covered in blue pins….every US Army base in Germany (there were a lot in those days) needed grunts. As I looked at the map, I noticed that there were blue pins way over inside of East Germany---in the City of West Berlin. Wow. That looked kind of cool.

When my turn came up to talk to the clerk and tell him where I wanted to go I said: “I’d like to go to Berlin.”

The clerk looked at me and said: “Shit! Do you know how much paper work that is? Oh well, if that’s where you want to go I’ll do it. Give me your ID card and we’ll have to make up special orders. You’ll leave tonight....put on your Class A uniform.”

And off I went on the over night “duty train” to West Berlin.

The anniversary of the “Wall” coming down was the other day. I remember two things very well about The Wall. When I was in West Berlin, we joked that our kids and our grandkids would be going to Germany to keep the Commies in check. We felt that the wall would be there forever.

The 2nd thing I remember....When the “Wall” came down and I was watching it on TV with my sons…I said: “ I thought you guys would be going there to keep the world free. Oh, by the way, you see that part of the wall right there? That’s where I got drunk one night and pissed on it….and waived at the East German Border guard up in the tower.

Free money for those who didn't earn it

2011-08-13T13:34:00.000-07:00

From the Cop side: Many, many, many years ago, before I became a Cop, I went to Kollege to get me an ed you ma kation. I was only able to obtain this enlightenment because I had spent a few years in the service of Uncle Sam in the US Army.

My dee gree was in what they call the Administration of Justice…which sounds pretty cool unless you knew the real reason I went to college and chose this program. My buddies from High School, who stayed home while I went off to Germany, told me all about this program. They said the classes were pretty easy and you learned cop stuff. Sounded cool to me.

Out of the four of us in that old group, I am the only one who ended up getting a degree and the only one who went into Police work.

But really none of that is what I decided to write about today---this was just some background info to give some kind of credit to what I used to think about crime and society….which was somewhat changed over 32 years.

What I was told in school was that in our society, “most” of the population is good. This is true. What cops have done for years is spend about 90 % of their time when dealing with true crime that was caused by 5 to 10% of the population. I know some days it seemed like I only saw the worst of society…and took them to jail when required.

However, in the last few years, I found that some of these numbers have changed in some places. These are places where there is economical problems…sometimes not because there are few jobs, but because there are few people who want to work. Why should they? They can sit on their ass in the apartments that are either free or low rent. They are handed free money and food stamps. They can sleep until noon, then get up and go look for something to drink or smoke and steal….why on earth would they want to work?

Then one thing I saw happening…is recruiters from the local community colleges would go into these neighborhoods (after noon of course) and tell these people about how they can get more free money by going to college. The recruiters may have been trying to help these bums get off their ass and get an education and perhaps learn a skill so they could get a better job…but in so many cases all the welfare bums heard was “….sign up for so many units and you can get state/federal aid for free.”

I am not making this shit up. I talked to the folks who worked in the admissions offices and the offices where they gave out the finical aide…even they, who were very liberal were complaining that these bums were coming in and demanding the money. They were told to go sign up for classes, and walked over to the admissions folks and “demanded” that they sign them up for however many classes they need to get the free money---that they were entitled to.

The admissions folks would try to explain that the student had to figure out what classes they wanted and qualified for…and the welfare bums would just say: “put me in any class I can get into so I can get my money.”

For this college I’m talking about, they typically had about 10 workers to process “free money” for students. At the same college to process the paperwork for the Veterans, they had ONE person. The Vets had to talk to a class counselor, set up a specific program and take classes and PASS them, or they go cut off. So the vet’s paperwork had to flow through ONE person, then hopefully all was filled out right and then get sent to the VA office in the area…and hope the person processing it was doing the right thing…and IF everything worked out right and the stars aligned the right way, the Vet would get their EARNED school assistance money before the semester was over. In many cases, they waited months to get the money they had EARNED.

Meanwhile, the welfare bums wake up at noon, show up the 3^rd or 4^th day of the semester and demand somebody fill out all the paperwork and give them money that they never earned.

That’s your tax dollars being spent at California Community Colleges…. I worked everyday of my life from the age of 16...and many times I worked more than one full time job.

Edit update: What I forget to say in the first posting of this was: Most of these bums who showed up for free education money only went to class the first few weeks of the semester. Once they were "locked in" to being paid, they stopped going to class---but still got paid. They could typically get away with this for 2 semesters, then get cut off. A typical Vet going to college on the GI bill got paid late and if they didn't show up for class, they not only got cut off, but had to pay back the money.

The Way to Iraq?

2011-08-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: After reading "America's First Sergeant" blog yesterday, I had to dig back into my hard drive and find some other F.A.S. (Funny Ass Stuff)...

And due to popular vote, I took off the music playlist.

The "Specialist...AKA "Sham Shield"

2011-08-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: Many years ago I was proud to be a US Army Specialist E-4. The US Army came up with the “Specialist” rank structure in the 1960’s I guess. It was a strange system that used to start at the E-4 pay grade and at one time, went all the way up to E7. The weird thing about this rank system is it was parallel to the “hard stripe” rank system. In other words they also had Corporal E4, Sergeants E5 through E7.

CI Roller Dude when he was neither CI or Roller, but 11Charlie

In those days, they gave the “specialist” ranks to soldiers who were not in the infantry (with some exceptions) …like clerks, cooks, medics etc. However, I was in the Infantry, (81MM Mortars) and they made us Specialist. The odd part was, if for example a Spec Five was in a squad and there was a Corporal E4 as the squad leader, even though the Corporal was paid less, he’d be in charge. In some ways this was a good system…as for example when we were doing training in the States for Iraq and we'd often get mixed in with a bunch of other soldiers for training…and because the Cook Sergeant First Class (E7) was the highest ranking person in the group, he’d be put in charge.

I’m sorry, I know I’m going to hurt somebody’s feelings, but I will NEVER EVER want a friggen’ cook in charge of me ever again. If we'd been in combat, we'd all been killed! ...some stupid...bla bla bla...

Anyway, when I was in Berlin in the 70’s, I arrived as a Private E-2. That gave me one little skinny stripe on my collar. My goal was to be a “Specialist” E4 as soon as possible. However, they told me that since my first enlistment was only for 2 years, that it would take 18-24 months before I could be an E-4, so I’d likely never get promoted beyond Private First Class (E3).

Wrong. I was promoted to E-4 after about 11 months in service—mostly because I could both read and write (neither was a requirement in the Infantry in those days.)

The Army did away with the “Spec” ranks above E4. However, they still have both Corporals and Specialist. A Corporal is always considered a Non Commissioned Officer (NCO) but a Spec 4 can be either “enlisted” or and NCO, depending on the needs of the minute.

With all the jokes you can make about any rank in the Army, whenever I went to a new camp in Iraq and needed something, it was ALWAYS a Specialist who got me what I needed and showed us what we needed. I called these “Command Specialist”

1. The Specialist Creed

No one gets away with more than I. I am a non Non-Commissioned Officer, a beast of burden. As a junior enlisted soldier I realize that I am a member of an underappreciated, much chastised group of soldiers which is known as the ribcage, or perhaps pancreas, of the Army.

I am proud of myself and my fellow Specialists and will continue to bitch, whine and sham until the absolute last second regardless of the mission at hand. I will use my grade and position to avoid responsibility, accountability and any sense of presence of mind.

Ignorance is my watchword. My two best excuses will always be on the tip of my tongue "I didn't know," and "It wasn't me." I will strive to remain invisible and unavailable for details. Never ever volunteer for anything is my rallying cry.

I am aware of my role as a SPC and if you need me for anything, I'll be on appointment. I know the other soldiers, and I will always refer to them by their first name or in some cases derogatory nickname. On weekends, or days off I will consistently drink myself into oblivion, and I will never answer my phone. I understand that for a person in my hierarchal position, rewards are going to be few and far between, and punishment will always be swift and severe.

Officers of my unit will have maximum time to accomplish their duties, because I will be accomplishing them for them. I will kiss up to their face and badmouth them behind their back, just like everyone else. I will be loyal to those with home I serve, provided there's something in it for me. I am the last bastion of common sense that stands between me and the Army philosophy of "Work Harder, Not Smarter." My voice is a tool and my complaints are a weapon that I wield with unmatched skill and finesse. I will not forget, nor will I allow my comrades to forget, Specialist is the greatest rank in the Army and rank has its privileges.

It's only a joke....

2011-08-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: Ever since I was a young private in the US Army, I enjoyed pulling practical jokes on people…anything for a laugh.

As I got older and matured, I My rules were simple: 1.) It can’t be too offensive 2.) It can’t get anybody killed or injured really bad 3.) It has to get as many people to laugh as possible.

When we were in Bosnia, it seems we had lots of fellow soldiers serving with us who not only lacked a sense of humor, but were also not very bright. When I had any free time, I would send an e-mail joke to some of my friends at other camps in Bosnia. One day I read in my favorite on-line news source (www.theonion.com) about a gay pride parade. Funnyass e-mail sent out

It was easy for me to re-write the article and send it out in an e-mail. In my version of the already phony story, the gay pride parade had taken place on Eagle Base, our main camp in Bosnia. Well, I didn’t know that some of my friends would forward the e-mail to others…who forwarded it to others and so on. Eventually the joke e-mail worked its way down the intelligence chain (from the brightest soldiers to the least bright until it eventually reached some with a very low I.Q.

Within a week I was getting e-mails back where the sender had hit “reply all” and demanded to know how the US Army could allow such a parade to take place on one of its camps. I started to get several e-mails back asking why the sender had not seen or heard of the parade. Since the upset soldier was not very clear about why they were upset, I simply responded that I’d pass on that they wanted to march in the next such parade.

Just to be clear, there was no such gay pride parade at Eagle Base while I was in Bosnia. But when you get attached to a unit who was filled with red necks, it was worth the laughs we got letting people think there had been a parade like that.

I just felt my duty was done when I got a laugh....

A First of first

2011-07-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

From the Citizen side: It's not very often that the CI Roller Dude writes about something in his family...and it's not very often that a face gets posted without being blacked out...however, this little girl is so cute I just couldn't black out her face.
Last night, my Number One Son and his Wife unit had a baby girl. That act of God now makes the CI Roller Dude a Grandpa.

"Excuse me while I sleep....Grandpa, when are you taking me shooting?"

OK, more stories to follow, right now I have to find a pink BB gun.

They can't all be Smart....

2011-07-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

Everywhere you go, you must get the T-Shirt

From the Soldier side:

One of the things I noticed over the years of being in the Army/ Army National Guard and in civilian law enforcement is: Not everybody can be smart. I think it was John Wayne who said: “Life is tough, its tougher when you’re stupid.” Or something like that.

AKA, "Camp Cody" Bosnia

Now, please don’t get me wrong, I did work with and for some really bright people… but as in one of the mottos I came up with in Bosnia was: “We get the job done despite the lack of any kind of competent leadership.” I say that because most of our officers and senior sergeants had no idea where the camp was that my team was on, or what my team was doing. Since we were so far away, they had no idea what our area looked like or the population.

One example was when we were given some information about something or someone who’d been at an Orthodox Christian Monastery. We drove over and took a look around and got a grid coordinate and sent up the info. You can imagine my shock when the captain called our team and told me: “hey there’s a standing order that the US Army is not allowed in any of the local Mosque.”

I requested that the Captain call me back on the “secure” phone. He told me the normal phone was OK to talk on. (he didn’t know how to use the encrypted phone I found out later…) So I tried to explain that the main camp he was at was in Tuzla, Bosnia. The camp we were at was in the Republic of Serpska,(Serbia) Bosnia. In and around Tuzla there was a lot of Mosque. However, where we were at it was mostly Orthodox Christians who prayed in churches and had a few monasteries for education and stuff like hiding indicted war criminals.

Radovan-A War Criminal

The captain did what most morons do who don’t understand something that they should know, he yelled at me. He was a pure dumbass. I later got an Atta-boy for the info about the monastery from higher up…but the captain never heard about it. It seems he spent most of his free and working time goofing off. I know Bosnia was a tough assignment for those stuck on Eagle Base in Tuzla, but some of us tried doing our job despite the lack of leadership. In other words, some of us were totally on our own.

Bosnia: "Kind of like Trukee California, but with land mines and bad roads.

Gypsy Team #6--- UP!

2011-07-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: One thing I noticed about other soldiers I’ve talked to who were in Iraq, most if not all of them spent their entire tour in one location. Some who ran convoys traveled a lot, but were based out of one camp. For the first 4 months of my tour, we called my team “Gypsy Team 6- - “ because we traveled around so much. In the first 6 months, I had 11 different assignments. I had so my air miles with the Army, Marines and Air Force, that I had enough frequent flyer miles to fly anywhere (in Iraq) for free.

I had my packing down to a science. 3 pairs of uniforms, 7 T-shirts, 10 pairs of socks, coffee, Cliff Bars, air pillow and poncho liner, and a double load of ammo for my M4 and M9 pistol….a Sat phone, the CHIMs gear and accessories and that was about it.

The interesting part was, we usually were sent to where things had happened or were supposed to happen. I just thought it would have been nice if somebody had told us we were going some place busy before we got there…and it’d been nice if we had a clue what we’d be lookin’ into ahead of time.

The good thing about being Gypsy Team, if we didn’t like a place or the folks we were working for, we knew we’d be leaving soon enough. One problem though with working for different groups (ranging from the US Army, Army National Guard units and the US Marines) it seemed that my team had to prove itself each time we went to a new place--- even if it turned out that we’d been in country longer than the folks we were going to help out.

And I HATE moving. We had to move over a dozen times when I was a kid because my dad was in the USAF and in those days it seemed that they thought it was better to move people around as often as possible. It wasn’t just moving to a new base, but usually when we got there we had to live off the base until housing opened up..then we’d move again to be n the base. I hate moving….so when they gave me a team in Iraq that was the first word in the title was “Mobil” I tried to tell the bosses “I hate moving.”

I figure out many years later, it wasn’t the moving that I hated so much, but having to start all over again making friends and stuff…. And since I have no friends now, I guess I just got used to not making any.

I did get to see a lot of Iraq by air and by ground. As far as I could tell, it all sucked. And just as soon as we figured out each camp and who the bad guys were outside….we moved somewhere else and had to start all over again.

My tour was a year…and when I ran into folks from other branches of the service who’s tours were 4 to 7 months, and they arrived after we did and were going home before we were…I wondered why was it I had to prove myself to them?

My team and I did OK ( I actually had several different soldiers on my team through the year as members were changed around for other duties.) None of my team got hurt and we all made it home….and 5 years later I realized that absolutely nothing we did made any difference in the war effort outside of me getting a few people to laugh.

Why we can't communicate....

2011-07-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

From the Old Cop and Soldier:
For over 30 years I have been able to go into burning buildings, chase bad guys really fast in police cars, deploy to places like Bosnia and Iraq and take care of any emergency or crisis that comes up--- as long as it was related to Police work on the Army. However, when it comes to communicating with females, I give up.
Embrace the Suck (over on the right side there...down there...see it) had this the other day:

Difference between men and women:

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then, there is silence in the car.
To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.
And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Fred," Martha says aloud.
"What?" says Fred, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Fred.
"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Fred.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.
"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Fred.
"That way about time," says Martha.
"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Fred," she says.
"Thank you," says Fred.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.
The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"
And that's the difference between men and women.

Off the net for awhile

2011-06-30T16:57:00.001-07:00

The CI Roller Dude will be off the "net" for awhile

Bosnia and War Crimes

2011-06-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: When I look back on my "military" times, I wonder if the time I spent doing things overseas was worth me being gone. Yeah, it was kind of exciting and interesting at times, but the deployment we did in Bosnia kind of seems like we just spun around in circles and never really got much done.

Then my old buddy Sergeant Grumpy posted something on Face Book (I barley use that thing, but once in awhile there's something I read). His post was about one of the assholes we were looking for in Bosnia.

The news article started with:

Ratko Mladic, the former Bosnian Serb general held responsible for the massacre of some 8,000 Muslim men and boys at Srebrenica in 1995, was arrested on Thursday, signaling Serbia’s intention of finally escaping the isolation it brought on itself during the Balkan wars, the bloodiest in Europe since World War II.

I went to Srebrenica many times. One of the times we noticed that they were building something. It turned into a giant graveyard for all the folks murdered there. We went by one of the buildings where they'd line folks up and kill them.

Warehouse of death

Each time we went back, we saw they'd added more and more grave markers. The field was large enough to bury a lot of people...a hell of a lot.

I will NEVER forget one day we were driving around after first arriving in Bosnia. One of my very young SECFOR (Security Force) guys saw all the empty and blown up homes and asked: "How come all the people haven't moved back home?"

I thought the question over for a few minutes and said: "well, I'd assume they are all either dead or ran to another country to be safe."

CI Roller Dude at the "new graveyard"

I hope my grand children can grow up in a world that's not so messed up. Bosnia is at peace now...but how many people had to die and how long did it take the UN and NATO to get their shit together to stop it?

If you have Netflix, there are a few movies about the war in Bosnia that are worth watching just so "you know."

Happy Father's Day....dad

2011-06-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

From the Son side: When I was growing up, I wanted to be just like my dad. He taught me to shoot, to fix cars before I could drive them, to fix things around the house and when I was going to join the Army he told me: "you should join the Air Force, they'll treat you better."

The CI Roller's Dad's resting place

He was right. When I my Army duties had me on some Air Force base in my travels, I saw they had better chow and stuff. The typical Air Force base was built like this:
1. Build the flight line for the air craft to fly on
2. Build the mess hall
3. Build the golf course
4. Then ask for more money to build the rest.

The US Air Force spends more on one fighter plane than the US Army and the US Marine spend on all of their small arms combined.

Aim High Dad, and thinks for teaching me stuff.

Now back to watching the wind blow the fire around....

Reversed roles...

2011-06-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

From the citizen side:
As a cop for 32 years, and a CA Army National Guard Soldier, I had helped evacuate people in all kinds of disasters...floods, fires and earthquakes. I can recall many times when I was standing at a traffic check point and citizens drove up and asked: "How bad is this fire?"
Many times, I had no answer for them....I always felt sorry that they had to leave their home or I was blocking them from getting to their home.

Yesterday, I was in the citizen's position when deputies from the Cochise County S.O. drove into my yard and told me we had to leave soon.

I was busy hosing down the yard and the house...and the fu--ing propane tank.....I heard several of them explode yesterday.

As the fire got within a few miles, I saw the air tankers start dropping that orange/red shit on the fire....

If I ever find them pilots, I'll buy them a beer.

The fire is still going....and the winds change every minute.... so I'm going back out on the hose...

If you look close, you can see the air water dropping plane.

...and another fire started near the Army Fort. Home of the MI. Hopfully the Army can do a better job at stopping it.

Incident Command System???

2011-06-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

From the Civilian side:
The fire that started south of the US/Mexican border and spread into the Coronado National Park, is still out of control.
So far at least 50 structures have been damaged or lost...
One of the most frustrating things is, I was in charge of our disaster planning before I retired from Police Work...and the locals here seem to have no effective way of advising citizens of emergencies besides the FM/ AM radio. Perhaps they don't know of the modern methods to warn citizens of emergencies via text messages and e-mails.
So, I'm doing it the old fashion way, watching the flames and listening to the radio. This is hard to do for a guy who's written disater plans and shit like that....

looking at the fire from the front yard....

Should we be afraid that the Feds' are in charge of this fight?

Monument Fire.... great fire control.

2011-06-14T16:43:00.000-07:00

From the Citizen side:
For the first time in over 30 years I'm very close to a disaster, but I'm not invovled in working it.
I'm living near the "Monument" fire in South Arizona. Being from California, I'm not used to such ineffective fire fighting....they let it get out of control and now it's buring homes.

This started Sunday, and

now it's Tuesday and it's jumping the highway and coming near us.

See you later...

Mike Ottoline & Robert Arizola, KIA in Iraq

2011-05-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: Every year on Memorial day I usually ask good citizens if they know what this holiday is for. They usually say something like: “to have a bar b q?”

Maybe before I was exposed to war, I might have thought the same thing. I lost two friends in Iraq. One was killed before I got there, the other I made friends with in Iraq. Both were really good people.

Sergeant First Class Michael C. Ottolini
Company A, 579th Engineer Battalion (the CI Roller Dude's old company)
(OIF)

It is with deepest sympathy that The California National Guard announces the death of Sergeant First Class Michael Ottolini, age 45, on 10 November 2004, died as a result of wounds received during an improvised explosive device (IED) attack while serving with his unit in Balad, Iraq. He is survived by his wife, and two children, and his father and mother.

SFC Ottolini joined the California Army National Guard on 17 December 1976 as a combat engineer in the Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 579th Engineer Battalion, Santa Rosa. He served with the 579th Engineer Battalion during his entire military career. SFC Ottolini was an exemplary soldier who epitomized professionalism, dedication, and devotion to family. His unit pride was evident to all, and he is remembered for bringing his entire family (immediate and extended) to Battalion social events. He was an extremely personable individual and was well liked by his fellow soldiers. SFC Ottolini was ordered to active duty in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom on 17 January 2004.

Mike was a good leader. I first worked with him on one of the CA Guard call outs for flood duty in the late 90’s. He worked harder than any 5 NCO’s I’d ever known before.

Roberto Arizola Jr

Laredo, Texas

June 8, 2005

Age	Military	Rank	Unit/Location
31	Army	Sgt	Army's 297th Military Intelligence Battalion, 513th Military Intelligence Brigade Fort Gordon, Georgia

Died in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV.

Roberto Arizola, Jr. liked to play video games and sports with his 7-year-old son. His family delayed the boy's birthday party so Arizola could be there. "He was always with his family," said his wife, Monica. But on June 8, a day before he was scheduled to return from Iraq, Arizola was killed in an explosion near his vehicle in Baghdad. The 31-year-old from Laredo, Texas, was based at Fort Gordon. Arizola graduated from high school in 1992 and had enlisted in 1996. He had been a border patrol agent in Laredo before being sent to Iraq. "We just can't believe it was his last day there," said his mother, Cecilia Arizola. "He was a good person. Everybody loved him." Arizola was deployed to Iraq in May 2004. He briefly returned in December and kept in frequent touch through phone calls and e-mail. "He was a great father, great son, great soldier, just a great person," said his brother, Ricardo

Roberto and I had started a conversation that we never got to finish. My advice, treat every friend and loved one like it is the last day you will ever get to see them....because it might be.

Memorial Day 2011- CI Roller Dude

About Small Team Leadership....

2011-05-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

In regards to leadership..... in case you missed this in past post, a very good friend of mine has written a short book on Small Team Leadership. It's on the Amazon Kindle reader, but the software can be down loaded for free and you can read it on any computer, I-Pad etc. And it's only $4.99 (us dollars).

Small-Team-Leadership-101-ebook

Funny, when I started out in the Army and police work many years ago, I never thought I'd have ended up in a leadership position. Even though this was written for Military and Law Enforcement, I think it'd be helpful for any leaders. However, there are leaders in many jobs who may have been promoted, but never got any proper training...and in some cases, they may make things worse than they know.

Just last week when I was moving, I had to stop at a car part store to pick up something. It was very early, and as I walked in, I heard the store manager talking to his workers. The manager didn't appear to have any clear topics that he was talking about, but he just seemed to babble on and on. I picked up what I needed, when out and installed it on my truck. When I went back into the store 20 minutes later, the manager was still babbling on. I could tell the workers were bored and with the expressions they had on their faces, I could tell that if they could find a new job the next day, they'd be gone. The manager was not only babbling, but he was critical of everything his employees had done... but he couldn't give them any clear answers on how he wanted things done.

He needed training. I was pretty sure that I'd never go back into that store just based on how the employees were being treated....in front of a customer. Was the leader that stupid?

Now, think about leaders you've had in the military or police work...were they that stupid?

Drunks in Public......?

2011-05-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

From the Cop side: OK, I promised that since I’m now retired and they can’t fire me, I can tell more cop stories from the past. First of all let me say one thing…almost all of the cops I’ve worked with in the last 32 years came to work each day trying to do a good job. However, there were and are some who should not be in the business. Some of those who should not be in the business have proven the “Peter Principle” and have risen to their level of incompetence…in some cases, they’ve gone even further.

Like they say about college teachers, those who can’t do, teach. In police work those who can’t police become administrators. Some of these appear to sit in offices for hours each day trying to figure out how to harass and annoy those cops who actually have work to do.

When I started out in the business, many were very heavy drinkers. I have nothing against a person touching a bit of the adult beverages, but I don’t think it’s cool to actually show up at work drunk.

One Saturday in 1979, I came in to work an overtime shift on dayshift. I had just gotten off at midnight, got about 5 hours of sleep and came to work. I was young, so getting enough sleep wasn’t a problem.
I went to the locker room (which was also the break room, briefing room, interview room, TV room, and meeting room) and put on my gun belt and gear.

I sat down with the old timers (any cop who’d worked longer than a year was an old timer to a rookie) and we waited for the watch commander to come in and brief us. We waited and waited and waited. After about 20 minutes into the shift, the most senior officer told me to go look for the watch commander.

I checked the watch commander’s office. I checked dispatch. I checked the holding cells, I checked the garage where the fire trucks were…then I checked the men’s rest room. No luck.

One last place, I checked the ladies restroom.

There HE was. Passed out on the floor in a puddle of his own puke.
I tried to wake him up, but I could still smell the extremely strong odor of an adult beverage emitting from his person. I almost puked.

I went back to the briefing room and informed the more senior officers and those who’d just gotten off the graveyard shift that the day shift watch commander was a passed out in the ladies restroom.

I suggested that we help him up and get in into the office. Joe, the most senior officer said: “nope, then he’ll just puke all over that office….just leave him there.”

We went through about 4 hours of dayshift without a functioning watch commander. When he finally woke up, he went home and we never saw him again that day. I’m glad nothing too exciting happened that day…because I’d only been a cop for about 4 months and I’m not sure I’d known what to do.

It's Hot, Desert HOT!

2011-05-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

OK Fans (all 3 or 4 of you) I'm moved in. Now I just need to find a few odds and ends...and a Job. I am looking for something like what I did in Bosnia and Iraq (mess kit repair.) There are a few contract type jobs that seem very possible...but I never count my eggs before they hatch.

More war/cop stories coming soon...now that I'm an out of the police business, I can tell some good stuff. I'll miss many of the folks I worked with...but they can come and shoot anytime.

Some folks think I'm like the guy in ....

2011-05-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe.

As of Today, 14 May 2011, I am retired from 32+ years of police work. Now I can start telling some really good stories of some of the dumbasses I've had to work with and for. They can't fire me now.

Oh, there are some really good cops I know, but so many in leadership roles are....well, let me tell you soon.

I'll be in the process of moving, so I may be off the net for a bit.
Looking for a new job...I've been working since I was 15, so I'm not ready to totally stop....

CI Roller Dude

NATO Non Article 5 Medal?

2011-05-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: OK, so I’ve never been one who got too excited about getting trinkets and stuff. My last promotion, before deploying to Iraq, I asked the First Sergeant if I could just stick my new stripes on and be done with it. He thought I’d love to be promoted in front of the company…Nope. The promotion is OK, I just don’t like making a big deal out of it.

My best friend is very interested in these medals and things. I’ll admit there’s a story that goes with each one, and when I put them on a rack, it might look cool. I kept my dad’s ribbons when he died. I was proud of his. He spent 22 years in the Air Force. (Aim High!)

There was this time when we were in Bosnia. My team had an actual mission we were supposed to go out on when the camp commander of the little tiny camp we were at told us: “the General is flying up to give us our medals.” We were 2.5 hours away by road, so he flew up in a Blackhawk.
I didn’t really care and I asked: “what medals? Can’t they just mail them to us?”
Nope, the camp commander insisted that we wait and get our medals. We were with the “RED BULLS” and when the General came up to me and pinned my little medal things on he asked: “What part of Minnesota are you from Soldier?”

I said: “Sir, I’m from a little town north of San Francisco.”

He still gave me my trinkets…but I thought he was going to chock. I guess he forgot that our little teams that went out every day were made up from California National Guard pukes.

What are these things worth?

NATO Non-Article 5 Medal for the Balkans Ribbon

$1.50

NATO Non-Article 5 Medal for the Balkans Ribbon

Criteria: Awarded to U.S. Armed Forces personnel serving 30 days or more in the Balkan Theater on or after January 1, 2003. The “Balkan Theater” is defined as the political boundaries and airspace of Bosnia-Herzegovina, Croatia, Federal Republic of Yugoslavia (including Kosovo), Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, and Albania, based on the detailed descriptions contained in the corresponding various NATO operations plans. Service days may be either continuous or accumulated. Those personnel serving as aircrew members accumulate one day of service for the first sortie flown during any day of the operation. Additional sorties on the same day receive no further credit. This medal is authorized to replace the NATO medals issued for NATO Operations Joint Forge and Joint Guardian.

Note: This service ribbon is issued by the military along with an accompanying medal. Check the appropriate Branch of Service category for purchase of its medal counterpart.

The Keystone Cops and Firemen…

2011-05-10T16:54:00.000-07:00

From the Cop side: One of the things I’ve done in my police career that I almost never talk about is the department where I started out at. It was not a “normal” police department by any sense of the word “normal.” It was far from Normal. I think “abnormal” would apply.
Now I don’t mean that they didn’t have some good cops, and we made some damn good arrest and got into lots of wild pursuit and cool shit. But, the one thing that didn’t work was a concept called “Public Safety.”

We were also supposed to be firemen (now called fire fighters.) The problem was, most of us didn’t know the first thing about how to fight fires, other than “put the wet stuff on the hot stuff.”

In an effort to try to train us, we had fire drill training every Tuesday for four hours. There was no long term plan as to what we got trained in, so often the most senior officer to show up was put in charge of training. Sometimes they actually knew something about fire fighting, sometimes we just sat around and ate donuts.

How was the response to actual fires? Well, the “fire department” was not staffed. We each had a Plectron radio thingy in our homes that would go off when they needed us to come in. We had to live within 2 miles of one of the fire stations. That sucked--- who wanted to live in a city with such a bad fire department?

The problem with the call out was we never knew who would show up and we hoped somebody showed up that actually knew what to do. I remember many times I was just falling asleep and I’d hear a “beep…beep…beep…beep. KLS-9--- report of a structure fire at 123 Alice street, station 1 and 2 respond. Beep…beep…beep…beep… report of a structure fire at 123 Alice street, station 1 and 2 respond…KSL 9--- out”

I’d jump up and put on my clothes…it didn’t matter what we wore to the station because once we got there we were putting on our turn outs…so in the summer I usually had shorts on…and my 1911 45. Funny seeing firemen with guns. I figured if I couldn’t get it out with water, I would shoot down the flames.

One night I had just ended my police patrol shift and was in the report room (which was also the briefing room, the lunch room, the training room and the staff lounge) getting an arrest report done….when the watch commander comes running back and yells at me and the other guys writing reports: “Can any of you drive a fire truck?”

I told him” I drove big ass trucks in the Army, I think I can.”

Then I became the fire engineer. I should have figured the 1,000 gallons of water in the back would make the truck a little top heavy as I almost rolled it going around the first corner.

We got to the fire and saved the dumpster from being a total loss.

I think I was a pretty good cop, but thinking it over, I was not a very good firemen. Both jobs require too much special training.

Do you have a problem with Authority?

2011-05-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

From the retired Soldier and Cop side: I started going to a writing class one night a week. Since I graduated from high skool and kollege so long ago, I had forgotted a lot of the stuff needed to write good fiction. You see for the last 30 plus years I had to write “just the facts”. The class I’m in is rather different, it’s for Vets and it’s free. A local group sponsored the thing, so I felt the price was right and seeing how I rite, it could help.

Nice doggy. USMC working dog at Camp Gannon, Iraq- CI Roller Dude pet him

I’m one of the younger vets. Most of the others are Nam vets. One guy was a grunt Army commander in Nam and when I talked to him before class, I asked why he got out after 14 years. He said: “I had a problem with authority.”

I was thinking what he said over during class. Remember, I first joined the regular Army after high school and only did a few years before I got out. I stayed out for 13 years, then joined the Army National Guard. Why did I get out and stay out for so long? At first I thought I had a problem with Authority. But after I carefully thought it over I came up with:

It’s not a problem with Authority; it’s a problem with stupid.

So I stayed in trying to beat down stupid shit. I won some battles and lost some…others I’ll call it a tie. But one thing I noticed, the troops we’re getting in before I got out seem to be a lot smarter. I just hope they stay that way as they get promoted and don’t go for the lobotomy.

In police work I had an easy way to lead: "As long as nobody get hurt, we all go home at the end of the shift, no citizen's complaints and the department doesn't get sued, we're OK."

Bin Laden has been killed. Good job!!!

2011-05-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side:
When I watched the jets crashing into the Twin Towers in New York, I knew many of our lives would change. Not long after that, I re-upped in the National Guard.
Now Bin Laden is dead. My only hope is that they will bury his body in the US so we can go piss on his grave. What a POS he was and all those who follow him. May they all rot in hell.

Small Team Leadership 101

2011-04-20T16:11:00.000-07:00

Some old guy I know has put togeather a short book in the Kindle on Small Team Leadership. If you don't have an Amazon Kindle, you can download the software for free and read it on a computer, I-Pad etc.

Small-Team-Leadership-101

A few good Leaders....OIF 2005

2011-04-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

From the Soldier side: I should start my thoughts on leadership by first talking about some of the BEST leaders I’ve had in my jobs. I know it’s so easy to forget the good ones and remember the horror stories of the bad leaders.

In 2005 when I was a little over half way through my one year tour in Iraq, I got slightly injured. I wish I could say the injury was from something exciting and all, but it was only a strained back from falling on my ass in a Marine Am-Trak when the driver did a very hard turn.

So I was back in Baghdad and the doctor told me to stay on light duty for at least a few weeks. Since there was a shortage of experienced NCOs who were doing my type of work (mess kit repair) they had to find a replacement for me. One of my old buddies who I had deployed to Bosnia with was stuck in the Operations Management Team office, and he asked if he could take over my team for awhile. I was glad to have him do it and the boss approved it.

Getting trucks ready for the Morning commute to work

But I was soon to learn that the office I was taking over as the NCOIC (Non Commissioned Officer in Charge) was more than dysfunctional. Not screwed up because of my friend, but some of the junior officers they had stuck in the office to keep from doing too much damage. They had replaced (fired) at least 3 officers and I was there with the worst. The worst turned out to be pregnant and got sent home after only being in Iraq for 3 weeks!!! WTF? Oh well, it was best for all she went home.

So who did they send in to be the OIC (Officer in Charge)? A really great WO 3 (Warrant Officer 3) who had been doing our business for many years and was extremely good at it.

The WO 3, whom I called “Chief” was very laid back, but he was an expert. If ever I didn’t know what to do, I could ask him and he ALWAYS had the right answer.

One day, one of the teams who went out into Baghdad 5-6 days a week had returned to camp. The team leader was very upset and so were some of the others. I noticed the team leader get out of his Humvee and start kicking the tires and he looked very mad. I let him vent for a bit, then walked up to him and asked what was wrong.

He told me about the dumbass gunner and what he’d done that day. (The gunner was mentally challenged and did something stupid on a daily basis.) I asked the team leader if he wanted to take care of the discipline or he wanted me to do it. He said: “I’m an NCO now, I will take care of it, but can you give me some advice on what I can and cannot do?”

Sure. Don’t kill him or beat him where it shows.

The problem was taken care of in a professional manner at the lowest level. Later that night, the Chief (who knew everything that went on) asked me if he needed to do anything. I told him: “Chief, it’s NCO business….all taken care of.”

He said: “Good, that’s what NCOs are supposed to do.”

He knew exactly what the problem with the dumbass gunner had been and he had even figured out how the team leader had corrected the problem and was good with it.

(in this case, the gunner had to dismount and cover the team on a foot movement. However, the gunner had gotten too damn fat and couldn’t keep up with the team –only walking a few Klicks…so the team leader took fatass out every morning and ran with him until he was back in shape.)

In this case, the team leader did good, the Chief did good and the problem was fixed without it going on the gunner’s record.

Leadership.....

2011-04-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

From the Cop & Soldier side: A while back, somebody suggest that I write a book on military/ law enforcement leadership. Who the hell would read it. If I did write such a book, it would not be some pretty fluff crap that foo foo cops and soft soldiers could use in a leadership course. It would be the kind of book that those who lead small teams or groups would want to read to make sure they got the job done.

In all the leadership duties I was put into under critical times, I NEVER demanded to be in charge. They way I ended up in charge and un-fucking things was, my boss put me in charge without askin’ or I jumped up and took over before things really turned to shit. (see, that’s how I’d have to write the book, so no official leadership course would allow such language.)

I never thought as either a soldier or a cop I’d become a leader. Not just a leader, but I actually lead troops in combat and hostile area. I’ve lead cops into deadly events, and lots of daily stuff that we just took as part of the job. My leadership skills are not perfect. But I worked for some really good leaders (who I took ideas from) and really shitty leaders (who I made damn sure I didn’t do anything like that did.)

The best leaders are those who put the mission and their troops first. The worst are those who put themselves first, mission second and their people last. I’m sure if you are, or ever have been a cop or in the military, you can picture what I’m talking about.

I've done some stories in the past and I plan on doing a few post on some of the best leaders I’ve worked for and some of the worst.

Standing by for comments….CI Roller Dude